1 00:01:10,564 --> 00:01:14,821 Sir, how often should one exonerate one's bowels? 2 00:01:14,885 --> 00:01:17,700 One should never, ever interrupt one's desire to defecate. 3 00:01:17,765 --> 00:01:21,081 I have inquired at the Bronx and London zoos... 4 00:01:21,156 --> 00:01:24,570 as to the daily bowel evacuation of primates. 5 00:01:24,643 --> 00:01:27,741 It's not once, twice or three times, sir, but four. 6 00:01:27,811 --> 00:01:30,592 At the end of an average day their cages are filled... 7 00:01:30,657 --> 00:01:33,724 with a veritable mountain of natural health. 8 00:01:33,793 --> 00:01:35,070 And sex? 9 00:01:35,138 --> 00:01:37,886 Sex is the sewer drain of a healthy body, sir. 10 00:01:37,953 --> 00:01:42,773 Any use of the sexual act other than procreation is a waste of vital energy. 11 00:01:42,847 --> 00:01:44,756 Wasted seeds are wasted lives. 12 00:01:44,831 --> 00:01:47,198 - Eating meat? - He that killeth the ox... 13 00:01:47,264 --> 00:01:49,368 is as if he slew a man. 14 00:01:49,438 --> 00:01:53,661 Each juicy morsel of meat is alive and swarming with the same filth... 15 00:01:53,727 --> 00:01:56,660 as found in the carcass of a dead rat. 16 00:01:56,734 --> 00:02:01,042 A meat eater, sir, is drowning in a tide of gore. What is a sausage? 17 00:02:01,115 --> 00:02:03,702 A sausage is an indigestible balloon... 18 00:02:03,773 --> 00:02:06,260 of decayed beef riddled with tuberculosis. 19 00:02:06,332 --> 00:02:07,857 Eat it and die. 20 00:02:07,931 --> 00:02:11,192 For I have seen many a repentant meat glutton... 21 00:02:11,259 --> 00:02:15,797 his body full of uric acid and remorse, his soul adrift on a raft... 22 00:02:15,865 --> 00:02:17,752 in an ocean of poisonous slime... 23 00:02:17,818 --> 00:02:19,956 sloshing against the walls of the body's kitchen. 24 00:02:20,025 --> 00:02:21,268 Smoking? 25 00:02:21,335 --> 00:02:24,403 The liver is the only thing standing between the smoker and death. 26 00:02:24,472 --> 00:02:27,406 Also certain other things have to be avoided... 27 00:02:27,479 --> 00:02:29,998 like feather beds... 28 00:02:30,070 --> 00:02:31,664 and romantic novels... 29 00:02:31,734 --> 00:02:34,004 and the touching of one's organs. 30 00:02:34,071 --> 00:02:37,299 Masturbation is the silent killer of the night... 31 00:02:37,365 --> 00:02:40,912 the vilest sin of self-pollution, the sin of Onan. 32 00:02:42,422 --> 00:02:45,552 Dr. Kellogg, how did you come to invent the cornflake? 33 00:02:45,620 --> 00:02:49,611 The cornflake, sir, is just one of 75 of my creations for healthy living... 34 00:02:49,683 --> 00:02:52,749 among them peanut butter and the electric blanket. 35 00:02:52,820 --> 00:02:56,463 And what about your imitators? There are 103 other cornflakes... 36 00:02:56,530 --> 00:02:59,181 presently being manufactured here in Battle Creek. 37 00:02:59,251 --> 00:03:02,096 Sir, corn is the Injun's gift to the New World... 38 00:03:02,161 --> 00:03:04,943 and the cornflake is my gift to the entire world. 39 00:03:05,009 --> 00:03:06,918 And what do you think about your brother? 40 00:03:06,992 --> 00:03:09,512 My younger brother, W.K. Kellogg, worked for me... 41 00:03:09,584 --> 00:03:12,454 as a low-paid assistant for many years. 42 00:03:12,527 --> 00:03:16,456 Now he's on his own and amassing fortunes with my cornflake invention. 43 00:03:16,529 --> 00:03:20,006 Unfortunately he has chosen the family name to promote it. 44 00:03:20,077 --> 00:03:22,980 But the whole world knows only one Kellogg: 45 00:03:23,054 --> 00:03:25,322 Me, Dr. John Harvey Kellogg... 46 00:03:25,389 --> 00:03:29,829 surgeon, inventor, author and crusader for biological livin'. 47 00:03:29,901 --> 00:03:32,267 I do not seek monetary reward... 48 00:03:32,333 --> 00:03:35,266 for I am called to a greater glory. 49 00:03:35,340 --> 00:03:36,834 Here, at the Battle Creek Sanitarium... 50 00:03:36,908 --> 00:03:40,038 the spirits soar, the mind is educated... 51 00:03:40,107 --> 00:03:43,303 and the bowels... the bowels are born again. 52 00:03:44,649 --> 00:03:47,683 Every woman 53 00:03:47,753 --> 00:03:50,882 And every man 54 00:03:50,951 --> 00:03:54,432 Is at the temple of health 55 00:03:54,504 --> 00:03:57,667 Here at the Battle Creek San 56 00:04:07,045 --> 00:04:09,728 In, out. In, out. 57 00:04:09,796 --> 00:04:12,132 In, out. In, out. 58 00:05:03,706 --> 00:05:06,041 - Did you? - Nothing. 59 00:05:06,106 --> 00:05:08,178 Oh, my darling Will, I'm so sorry. 60 00:05:08,251 --> 00:05:10,453 Eleanor, if I could only eat something. 61 00:05:10,521 --> 00:05:12,562 My poor thing. 62 00:05:12,634 --> 00:05:14,390 Not now, Will. 63 00:05:27,607 --> 00:05:30,093 Excuse me, sir. But would you mind if we joined your table? 64 00:05:30,166 --> 00:05:31,858 I'm afraid the dining car is rather crowded. 65 00:05:31,927 --> 00:05:34,194 - No, no, no. Not at all. Please. - Thank you. 66 00:05:34,262 --> 00:05:36,268 - Ossining. Charles Ossining. - Eleanor Lightbody. 67 00:05:36,341 --> 00:05:38,316 And this is my husband, Will. 68 00:05:38,389 --> 00:05:42,216 - How do you do. - Allow me to give you my card. 69 00:05:42,291 --> 00:05:44,202 I'm in the breakfast food business. 70 00:05:44,275 --> 00:05:46,730 Really? Which one? Try-a-Bita? Krinkle? Foodle? 71 00:05:46,803 --> 00:05:49,651 Cero-Fruito? Fush? Goodness, there's so many, suddenly. 72 00:05:49,715 --> 00:05:51,024 - It's hard to keep up. - Per-Fo. 73 00:05:51,092 --> 00:05:53,195 Per-Fo? Don't believe I've heard of that one. 74 00:05:53,266 --> 00:05:54,957 Actually, we haven't started yet. 75 00:05:55,026 --> 00:05:57,197 In fact, I'm on my way to Battle Creek to start the company. 76 00:05:57,266 --> 00:05:59,948 - How nice. - You're eating oysters. 77 00:06:00,016 --> 00:06:02,088 Yes. Bluepoints. They're quite good. 78 00:06:02,161 --> 00:06:03,819 - Would you like to try one? - No! 79 00:06:04,976 --> 00:06:08,042 - It's his stomach. - May I take your order, sir, madam? 80 00:06:08,111 --> 00:06:10,794 Oh, yes. 81 00:06:10,863 --> 00:06:13,351 I'll have the cucumber salad and a glass of water. Thank you. 82 00:06:13,423 --> 00:06:15,461 - And sir? - Toast. And a glass of water. 83 00:06:15,534 --> 00:06:17,256 - Toast? - Toast. 84 00:06:17,325 --> 00:06:19,114 And how would you like that, sir? 85 00:06:20,365 --> 00:06:23,431 Toasted. Dry. On its own. On a plate. 86 00:06:23,500 --> 00:06:24,994 Certainly, sir. 87 00:06:27,756 --> 00:06:29,697 Battle Creek, you say. Well, what a coincidence. 88 00:06:29,771 --> 00:06:32,641 That's our destination too. We're going to the sanitarium for the cure. 89 00:06:32,715 --> 00:06:34,983 - I've never been. - Third time for me. First for Will. 90 00:06:35,051 --> 00:06:36,675 I'm one of those Battle freaks that you read about. 91 00:06:36,745 --> 00:06:38,787 Well, well, well. 92 00:06:38,859 --> 00:06:41,726 - Scavengers of the sea, you know. - Excuse me? 93 00:06:41,801 --> 00:06:43,524 Eleanor, not again, please. 94 00:06:43,593 --> 00:06:45,982 Oysters live in muck and filth, and they feed on it. 95 00:06:46,056 --> 00:06:47,617 You said you wouldn't do this. 96 00:06:48,840 --> 00:06:51,175 Oyster juice is nothing more than urine. 97 00:06:51,240 --> 00:06:53,660 - Urine? - Piss, to use the vernacular. 98 00:06:53,735 --> 00:06:56,223 Eleanor, that's enough! 99 00:06:56,295 --> 00:06:59,392 But, Will, the gentleman should know that he's ingesting slimy piss. 100 00:06:59,463 --> 00:07:01,087 Will you never shut up! 101 00:07:04,102 --> 00:07:05,378 Oh, my God! 102 00:07:11,236 --> 00:07:13,538 Terrible thing, indigestion. 103 00:07:26,562 --> 00:07:28,862 Bye, Mr. Ossining. Good luck with your new company. 104 00:07:28,929 --> 00:07:30,304 Good-bye. 105 00:07:42,494 --> 00:07:44,763 Bend and stretch. 106 00:07:47,965 --> 00:07:50,998 Twist, twist. 107 00:08:29,942 --> 00:08:32,690 And I will show to you... 108 00:08:32,758 --> 00:08:35,408 that in the sluggish bowels of the flesh eater... 109 00:08:35,477 --> 00:08:37,898 lays the source of 9/10... 9/10... 110 00:08:37,971 --> 00:08:40,557 of the chronic ills from which human beings suffer. 111 00:08:40,628 --> 00:08:42,799 Ah, Mr. Dab, you're back. 112 00:08:42,868 --> 00:08:46,894 Good. We can continue with the " Question Box" with a small demonstration. 113 00:08:46,964 --> 00:08:49,614 - Sir, he's here. - Later, Poult, later. Sit down. 114 00:08:51,922 --> 00:08:55,466 Ladies and gentlemen, here I have in front of me a steak... 115 00:08:55,537 --> 00:08:58,187 which my assistant, Mr. Poultney Dab, assures me... 116 00:08:58,257 --> 00:09:02,184 is the finest porterhouse the nearby Post Tavern Hotel has to offer. 117 00:09:02,256 --> 00:09:06,217 Also, I have here a bag of horse excreta. 118 00:09:07,440 --> 00:09:10,699 Oh, yes. Manure. 119 00:09:11,598 --> 00:09:14,761 Dung from our very own stables, so fresh it is still warm. 120 00:09:16,463 --> 00:09:18,829 Hey, and steaming! 121 00:09:18,893 --> 00:09:21,673 Dr. Linniman, would you be so kind as to prepare a sample of each... 122 00:09:21,741 --> 00:09:23,398 for the microscopes, please? 123 00:09:25,866 --> 00:09:28,486 Ladies and gentlemen, I will now provide you with proof... 124 00:09:28,555 --> 00:09:30,529 which I fervently hope will forever turn you away... 125 00:09:30,603 --> 00:09:32,937 from the disgustin' habit of eating meat. 126 00:09:33,001 --> 00:09:35,424 Disgustin' not only because we should never take the lives... 127 00:09:35,499 --> 00:09:38,913 of our fellow creatures, but disgustin' because, my friends, what lurks... 128 00:09:38,985 --> 00:09:40,993 within that steak... 129 00:09:41,065 --> 00:09:45,091 is as bad or worse than that which crawls inside that bag of barnyard dung. 130 00:09:46,503 --> 00:09:48,391 Now, may I have a volunteer, please? 131 00:09:50,534 --> 00:09:53,056 Oh, come on, don't be shy. 132 00:09:55,270 --> 00:09:58,432 Miss Muntz, who I see in the second row here. 133 00:09:58,500 --> 00:10:01,283 Would you be so kind as to come to the table, Miss Muntz, please? 134 00:10:15,682 --> 00:10:17,055 Watch your step. 135 00:10:17,122 --> 00:10:19,261 - Thank you. - Watch your step, sir. 136 00:10:20,992 --> 00:10:24,408 Oh, breathe it in, Will. Can't you just smell it? 137 00:10:26,561 --> 00:10:30,236 We're both going to get well. I just know it. It's a promise. 138 00:10:34,430 --> 00:10:36,504 What do you see, Miss Muntz? 139 00:10:36,576 --> 00:10:38,647 White specks crawling. 140 00:10:38,718 --> 00:10:41,532 Dr. Linniman, please, please, do not keep us in suspense. 141 00:10:41,598 --> 00:10:45,241 Please reveal to our good friends here the identity of the offensive slide. 142 00:10:45,308 --> 00:10:50,425 Sir, Miss Muntz has identified the porterhouse steak. 143 00:10:51,548 --> 00:10:55,028 Ladies and gentlemen, please come to the podium and see for yourself. 144 00:11:33,556 --> 00:11:36,457 Oh, it's Dr. Kellogg's "Question Box." What a pity we missed it. 145 00:11:36,532 --> 00:11:38,736 - How much do I tip? - Oh, no dear. Not at the San. 146 00:11:38,803 --> 00:11:41,705 Ah, Mr. Birdwhistle... 147 00:11:41,778 --> 00:11:45,575 Look, Will! There's the great man himself. There's Dr. Kellogg. 148 00:11:45,650 --> 00:11:48,780 Working that program, are we? Good girl. 149 00:11:48,850 --> 00:11:53,289 Mr. Abernathy. I trust the Protose broth is helping with the flatulence? 150 00:11:53,361 --> 00:11:55,947 - Very well, Doctor. - Good. Splendid. 151 00:11:56,017 --> 00:11:59,845 Ah, Mrs. Portois, a glow in your cheeks I detect. 152 00:11:59,919 --> 00:12:02,953 A veritable beacon of natural health! 153 00:12:03,024 --> 00:12:04,647 How pleasing. 154 00:12:04,718 --> 00:12:08,199 Hello, Father. Aren't you going to introduce me? 155 00:12:08,270 --> 00:12:12,045 - Do you have some spare change, miss? - Excuse us, please. 156 00:12:12,109 --> 00:12:14,346 How dare you, son? I've told you never to come here. 157 00:12:14,413 --> 00:12:15,875 Come on, Father, give us a cuddle. 158 00:12:15,948 --> 00:12:18,917 - You stink, sir. - Don't we all in one way or another? 159 00:12:18,988 --> 00:12:21,191 Your behavior is unconscionable. 160 00:12:21,259 --> 00:12:25,731 - Now, why are you here? - Money. 161 00:12:25,804 --> 00:12:27,811 You've had all the money you'll ever get from me, boy. 162 00:12:27,882 --> 00:12:29,605 Dr. Kellogg, what a pleasure to see you. 163 00:12:29,674 --> 00:12:32,424 - Ah, yes, Mrs... - Lightbody. Eleanor Lightbody. 164 00:12:32,490 --> 00:12:35,391 I'd like to introduce you to my husband. This is Will. 165 00:12:35,464 --> 00:12:39,293 Hello, You look like you're on your last leg. Can you spare some change? 166 00:12:39,368 --> 00:12:41,223 Excuse us, please. 167 00:12:43,721 --> 00:12:45,858 - How much? - One hundred. 168 00:12:45,927 --> 00:12:48,576 Mr. Wilcox. Take this gentleman to Mr. Phipps... 169 00:12:48,646 --> 00:12:50,720 and tell him to give him $100. 170 00:12:50,791 --> 00:12:54,650 Then show him the front gate. Thank you. 171 00:12:56,006 --> 00:12:58,907 Poor wretch. A charity patient. Ah, now, Mr. Lightbody, is it? 172 00:12:58,981 --> 00:13:02,210 How do you do, sir? Oh, dear, you are unwell. 173 00:13:02,278 --> 00:13:05,571 Let me see your tongue, please. Out more. 174 00:13:05,637 --> 00:13:08,287 Wider. More. That... 175 00:13:08,356 --> 00:13:09,947 Oh, yeah. 176 00:13:10,018 --> 00:13:12,156 The tongue is the billboard to the bowels, Mr. Lightbody... 177 00:13:12,227 --> 00:13:15,325 and this piece of furry flesh between my fingers shouts S-l-C-K, sick. 178 00:13:15,395 --> 00:13:19,735 You're a sick man, sir. As severe a case of autointoxication as I've ever seen. 179 00:13:19,809 --> 00:13:23,037 Is there anything you can do? We're both tremendous believers in your methods. 180 00:13:23,104 --> 00:13:26,453 I am, anyway. But Will is really keen to learn. Aren't you? 181 00:13:26,527 --> 00:13:28,382 - Uh... - You've come to the right place. 182 00:13:28,447 --> 00:13:31,674 But we are merely lifeguards at watch on the shores of the alimentary canal. 183 00:13:31,743 --> 00:13:33,881 A wheelchair immediately for Mr. Lightbody! Hurry! 184 00:13:33,951 --> 00:13:37,212 I don't need a wheelchair. I do not need a wheelchair. 185 00:13:37,278 --> 00:13:40,889 Sir, I am a doctor, and you take my word for it. You are in need of a wheelchair. 186 00:13:40,957 --> 00:13:43,705 Wheelchairs are for amputees, for Civil War veterans... 187 00:13:43,772 --> 00:13:46,357 old people with one foot in the grave. 188 00:13:46,429 --> 00:13:49,275 Lucky if you have only one foot in the grave, because I can help you. 189 00:13:49,340 --> 00:13:52,023 Two feet in and your money will be better spent with an undertaker. 190 00:13:52,091 --> 00:13:54,263 Mr. Johnston, I want the finest care for this gentleman. 191 00:13:54,331 --> 00:13:58,106 So get the very best attendant. Graves. Yes, get Nurse Graves. 192 00:13:58,170 --> 00:14:00,438 Hey, one foot in the grave! Ha! 193 00:14:00,505 --> 00:14:03,255 I will see to you personally first thing in the morning. 194 00:14:03,321 --> 00:14:05,654 - If you're still alive, that is. - Thank you. 195 00:14:05,721 --> 00:14:07,696 Thank you, ma'am. 196 00:14:09,015 --> 00:14:10,925 Frank! 197 00:14:11,001 --> 00:14:13,202 Oh, darling, it's Dr. Linniman who I told you about... 198 00:14:13,270 --> 00:14:15,856 who looked after me so wonderfully well the last time... you remember. 199 00:14:15,927 --> 00:14:17,488 No, I don't remember. 200 00:14:17,558 --> 00:14:19,313 How are you? 201 00:14:19,382 --> 00:14:21,421 Oh, it's heaven to be back. 202 00:14:21,493 --> 00:14:25,104 It's good to see you again. Eleanor, you've lost weight. 203 00:14:25,173 --> 00:14:28,305 Wait. I want my wife! 204 00:14:40,818 --> 00:14:42,673 - You Charles Ossining? - Yes! 205 00:14:42,739 --> 00:14:44,646 Mr. Bender says you're to come with me. 206 00:14:44,721 --> 00:14:46,958 Thank God, boy! Where's the cab? 207 00:14:47,024 --> 00:14:48,999 No cab, sir. Mr. Bender said to walk. 208 00:14:50,000 --> 00:14:52,368 He did, did he? Is it far? 209 00:14:52,433 --> 00:14:54,287 It wouldn't be if we weren't walkin'. 210 00:15:04,270 --> 00:15:07,172 - Where are you taking me? - Your room. Your wife will go to hers. 211 00:15:07,246 --> 00:15:09,513 - We're together. - Oh, no, sir. That just wouldn't do. 212 00:15:09,579 --> 00:15:11,653 If you get my meaning? 213 00:15:11,725 --> 00:15:15,815 Up, please, Harold. Best air in the place. Lovely view too. 214 00:15:21,961 --> 00:15:24,134 Hello, Irene. Here he is. 215 00:15:24,203 --> 00:15:26,241 Welcome to the San. I'm Nurse Graves... 216 00:15:26,314 --> 00:15:28,680 and I'll be your personal nurse during your stay here. 217 00:15:30,249 --> 00:15:32,800 Ah, you must be tuckered, sir, what with all that rail travel. 218 00:15:32,871 --> 00:15:36,733 Terrible. Shakes you up like an eggnog. 219 00:16:08,514 --> 00:16:11,198 Here we are. Nice, cheery room. 220 00:16:12,034 --> 00:16:14,903 Torture. Worse than the Spanish Inquisition. 221 00:16:14,977 --> 00:16:17,367 - Torture? - Rail travel. 222 00:16:17,441 --> 00:16:20,190 Well, I will bid you good night... 223 00:16:20,256 --> 00:16:23,419 and leave you in the capable hands of Nurse Graves. 224 00:16:23,487 --> 00:16:25,592 - Night, Irene. - Good night, Ralph. 225 00:16:27,134 --> 00:16:28,476 Undress, please. 226 00:16:31,295 --> 00:16:35,255 - You're very beautiful, Irene. - Please. Don't talk, Mr. Lightbody. 227 00:16:35,326 --> 00:16:37,464 Not in your condition. 228 00:16:37,532 --> 00:16:40,914 Now, we're gonna have you asleep in no time at all. 229 00:16:40,987 --> 00:16:42,449 But it's only 6:00. 230 00:16:42,524 --> 00:16:45,589 And I haven't slept a wink in 22 days. 231 00:16:45,660 --> 00:16:49,751 Well, tonight you'll sleep like a baby. That's why I'm here. 232 00:16:51,098 --> 00:16:53,138 Now, I want you to relax. 233 00:16:54,650 --> 00:16:56,592 And I'll be back later to give you your bath. 234 00:17:04,792 --> 00:17:08,207 Where are you taking me? I thought Mr. Bender was staying at the Post Tavern! 235 00:17:08,281 --> 00:17:11,028 He is. Only you're up there. 236 00:17:11,094 --> 00:17:15,087 $3.25 a week due every Saturday. 237 00:17:15,158 --> 00:17:20,080 Breakfast at 7:00, dinner at 1:00, supper at 6:30... 238 00:17:20,150 --> 00:17:22,833 and she wants a week in advance. 239 00:17:38,067 --> 00:17:40,814 I'm sorry, Nurse, but I think that I'm hallucinating. 240 00:17:40,881 --> 00:17:43,749 Just kneel in the bath, please, Mr. Lightbody. 241 00:17:45,137 --> 00:17:50,635 I don't know what's wrong with me. Ever since I got here, I keep seeing... 242 00:17:51,664 --> 00:17:53,289 I came here with my wife, you know. 243 00:17:53,358 --> 00:17:56,555 Oh, yes, I know. She's on the second floor, room 212. 244 00:17:57,870 --> 00:17:59,276 She won't be staying here? 245 00:17:59,342 --> 00:18:02,276 Oh, no. All couples are kept separate here, Mr. Lightbody. 246 00:18:02,349 --> 00:18:03,810 - They are? - Of course. 247 00:18:03,886 --> 00:18:05,772 Our patients need complete rest. 248 00:18:05,836 --> 00:18:08,968 Any sexual stimulation could be fatal. 249 00:18:09,037 --> 00:18:11,338 Now, I want you to relax. 250 00:18:11,404 --> 00:18:16,104 - What is that? - This... is a colonic wash. 251 00:18:16,171 --> 00:18:18,625 It is hot paraffin, soap and tepid water. 252 00:18:18,698 --> 00:18:20,871 Now, bend over a little bit please. 253 00:18:20,940 --> 00:18:23,327 There. Just relax, Mr. Lightbody... 254 00:18:23,403 --> 00:18:25,671 and we will purge you of all that ails you. 255 00:18:25,739 --> 00:18:28,704 Oh, but I don't even eat meat. Not anymore, anyway. 256 00:18:28,776 --> 00:18:31,460 Just relax. It'll all be over in a second. 257 00:18:31,528 --> 00:18:35,325 No, l... Honestly, lately it's just beet tops and savory broth. 258 00:18:35,399 --> 00:18:39,294 Your intestines are probably putrid with disease and germs. 259 00:18:39,367 --> 00:18:40,992 Nurse Graves... 260 00:18:42,503 --> 00:18:45,469 I have to confess to you that I'm very sexually stimulated. 261 00:18:45,541 --> 00:18:47,449 I think that I have an erection. 262 00:18:47,524 --> 00:18:50,339 Clean thoughts make for clean bowels, Mr. Lightbody. 263 00:18:50,404 --> 00:18:53,272 Please, just try and think of me as one of nature's nuns... 264 00:18:53,348 --> 00:18:55,136 here at the temple of health. 265 00:19:01,666 --> 00:19:03,454 One card, my dear sir. 266 00:19:03,522 --> 00:19:05,181 Is your wife still available? 267 00:19:06,593 --> 00:19:08,317 It's room 25, sir. 268 00:19:34,430 --> 00:19:36,567 Ah, Charles! You made it! 269 00:19:37,916 --> 00:19:39,608 So sorry I couldn't be there to meet you. 270 00:19:39,677 --> 00:19:41,912 But I was busy cultivating the garden of business. 271 00:19:41,979 --> 00:19:44,729 These gentlemen behind me are the very princes of this town. 272 00:19:44,795 --> 00:19:47,958 Pillars. Important people. How are your lodgings? 273 00:19:48,027 --> 00:19:49,814 Disgusting. Why didn't you put me up here? 274 00:19:49,881 --> 00:19:51,703 Tut, tut, Charles. We're on a budget. 275 00:19:51,768 --> 00:19:54,702 We can't throw your good aunt's money around now, can we? 276 00:19:54,777 --> 00:19:57,112 - But you're staying here! - Show, Charles. All show. 277 00:19:57,176 --> 00:20:00,405 For the gentlemen at the table. Did you bring Mrs. Hookstratten's check? 278 00:20:00,472 --> 00:20:03,570 Yes, and she's very anxious to hear about the factory site you've acquired. 279 00:20:03,641 --> 00:20:05,200 - Ah, the factory. - And the ovens. 280 00:20:05,271 --> 00:20:08,303 Ah, the ovens. There's been a slight hiccup. There are no ovens. 281 00:20:08,374 --> 00:20:11,026 But you wrote that the Vita-Malta flake factory came with ovens. 282 00:20:11,094 --> 00:20:14,322 There are no ovens, because, alas, there is no factory. 283 00:20:14,390 --> 00:20:18,448 There's no factory? Bender, in your letter... 284 00:20:18,517 --> 00:20:21,865 Goodloe. Charles, please. Call me Goodloe. 285 00:20:21,940 --> 00:20:25,038 We are partners, after all. Would you like a brandy? 286 00:20:25,108 --> 00:20:27,726 I don't want a brandy! I want an explanation! 287 00:20:27,794 --> 00:20:30,892 It's true, I almost had a factory. 288 00:20:30,963 --> 00:20:33,418 But the thief I was dealing with wanted rather too much for the lease... 289 00:20:33,491 --> 00:20:35,531 and I lacked the necessary spondulicks. 290 00:20:35,601 --> 00:20:38,569 - Spondulicks? - Capital, Charles. 291 00:20:38,641 --> 00:20:40,943 Money. As in "running short of." 292 00:20:41,009 --> 00:20:46,671 Do you mean that you have spent the whole of the start-up money already? 293 00:20:46,736 --> 00:20:50,793 Please, please. Not in front of company. Step into my office. 294 00:20:50,864 --> 00:20:52,772 I know you're probably tired after the trip. 295 00:20:52,846 --> 00:20:57,035 And it might seem that I'm living it up here in the lap of luxury. 296 00:20:57,101 --> 00:21:00,298 Now you listen to me, you jumped-up streak of pompous piss. 297 00:21:00,366 --> 00:21:02,917 You don't think you could start a company like Per-Fo just like that! 298 00:21:02,989 --> 00:21:05,127 - You've stolen my aunt's money. - It's not stealing! 299 00:21:05,196 --> 00:21:07,498 It's capitalism, you ignorant prick! 300 00:21:07,565 --> 00:21:11,305 And palms are the wheels of capitalism, and they have to be greased, boy. 301 00:21:11,370 --> 00:21:13,509 I'm not your boy, Bender. Get that straight! 302 00:21:13,579 --> 00:21:16,874 Charles, Charles. It all takes money. 303 00:21:16,939 --> 00:21:20,799 You had money! You had my aunt's money, and now you've pissed it all away! 304 00:21:20,873 --> 00:21:24,517 Ah, but you're forgetting one thing. We have a great product. 305 00:21:24,584 --> 00:21:28,577 - We don't have anything! - You're wrong, Charles. You're wrong. 306 00:21:29,672 --> 00:21:34,110 We have cartons. Beautiful Per-Fo cornflake cartons. 307 00:21:34,183 --> 00:21:35,710 And why is it a great product? 308 00:21:35,783 --> 00:21:39,872 Because " it perks up tired blood and exonerates the bowels." 309 00:21:39,942 --> 00:21:41,916 - Didn't you write that? - I did write that. 310 00:21:41,991 --> 00:21:44,160 - It's brilliant. - It's good. 311 00:21:44,228 --> 00:21:46,366 It's an inspiration, is what it is. 312 00:21:46,437 --> 00:21:48,325 It's good. I know it's good. 313 00:21:50,084 --> 00:21:54,207 But you can't sell empty boxes no matter what it does to the bowels. 314 00:21:54,276 --> 00:21:57,470 It has to mean something. We have to make something. 315 00:21:57,539 --> 00:22:01,694 Something that tastes great and is easy to prepare. 316 00:22:01,763 --> 00:22:05,306 - Something good for you. - Right! Health! 317 00:22:05,377 --> 00:22:07,798 The "open sesame" to the sucker's purse. 318 00:22:52,632 --> 00:22:55,283 - Who are you? - George. 319 00:22:55,352 --> 00:22:56,693 I'm called George. 320 00:22:58,681 --> 00:23:00,370 What's your name? 321 00:23:02,391 --> 00:23:05,773 Eleanor Lightbody. Do you work here? 322 00:23:09,526 --> 00:23:10,932 I'm Dr. Kellogg's son. 323 00:23:11,862 --> 00:23:15,789 - Not his real son. I'm adopted. - Oh, of course. 324 00:23:15,860 --> 00:23:17,354 He adopted lots of us. 325 00:23:17,427 --> 00:23:19,434 Yes, I know. 326 00:23:20,339 --> 00:23:23,208 I've got 39 brothers and sisters. Lucky, aren't I? 327 00:23:24,114 --> 00:23:25,642 Yes, that's very nice. 328 00:23:28,467 --> 00:23:30,922 But why are you here? 329 00:23:32,496 --> 00:23:33,990 I came for my allowance. 330 00:23:37,201 --> 00:23:39,055 And I like to look at the nude ladies. 331 00:23:46,191 --> 00:23:48,425 You have a very nice body, Mrs. Nicebody. 332 00:23:48,493 --> 00:23:50,827 Lightbody. Mrs. Lightbody. 333 00:23:50,894 --> 00:23:52,998 My mother had a nice body. 334 00:23:53,837 --> 00:23:55,147 She did? 335 00:23:58,669 --> 00:24:00,425 She was a whore. 336 00:24:04,618 --> 00:24:05,992 She was? 337 00:24:18,984 --> 00:24:21,374 In Chicago. 338 00:24:21,448 --> 00:24:24,164 She was dead when the doctor took me in. 339 00:24:24,871 --> 00:24:26,594 They found me sitting by her dead body. 340 00:24:54,786 --> 00:24:56,312 George Kellogg! 341 00:25:05,568 --> 00:25:06,943 Come here. 342 00:25:15,838 --> 00:25:17,692 Your coat, George. Where's your coat? 343 00:25:17,758 --> 00:25:19,612 Look at me. 344 00:25:21,373 --> 00:25:23,926 Why don't you ever speak, George? 345 00:25:25,435 --> 00:25:29,746 It is of great distress to me, to Mrs. Kellogg, to your brothers and sisters. 346 00:25:29,821 --> 00:25:32,667 Your coat, George. Your coat is on the floor, not on the hook. 347 00:25:33,404 --> 00:25:37,111 How many times must you be told to hang your coat up on the hook? 348 00:25:37,179 --> 00:25:39,253 Speak to me. 349 00:25:42,361 --> 00:25:43,505 Hannah! 350 00:25:46,170 --> 00:25:47,544 Yes, sir, Doctor. 351 00:25:47,609 --> 00:25:52,398 You will supervise. George will enter this house, close the door... 352 00:25:52,473 --> 00:25:55,374 climb the stairs, remove his jacket and hang it on its hook. 353 00:25:55,447 --> 00:25:57,203 He will do so until bedtime... 354 00:25:57,271 --> 00:26:01,329 and then continue after breakfast until this time tomorrow. 355 00:26:01,399 --> 00:26:04,813 Until 4:00 tomorrow. Is that understood? 356 00:26:04,887 --> 00:26:07,058 Yes, sir, Doctor. Understood. 357 00:26:16,563 --> 00:26:17,807 Sir! 358 00:26:17,875 --> 00:26:20,493 I said until 4:00 p.m. It is now 7:00. 359 00:26:20,562 --> 00:26:24,653 He won't stop, sir. We've tried to, all of us, but he won't take any notice. 360 00:26:25,490 --> 00:26:27,695 George, that's enough now. You've learned your lesson. 361 00:26:27,764 --> 00:26:30,544 Run off to your supper. 362 00:26:30,608 --> 00:26:32,877 George, stop this moment, I say. 363 00:26:34,640 --> 00:26:35,721 Stop, I say! 364 00:26:37,679 --> 00:26:42,501 Very well, suit yourself. I have work to do. You'll continue until you drop. 365 00:27:31,142 --> 00:27:33,923 George, stop this madness immediately! 366 00:27:35,110 --> 00:27:39,364 Stop it. George, stop, stop, stop! 367 00:27:39,427 --> 00:27:42,078 Stop it! 368 00:27:42,149 --> 00:27:44,319 George, I'm so sorry. 369 00:27:44,388 --> 00:27:49,372 I'm sorry. Please, please go to your room and sleep. 370 00:28:09,759 --> 00:28:12,312 Oh, Virginia, isn't this wonderful? 371 00:28:12,382 --> 00:28:15,731 Don't you sometimes feel you're in the healthiest spot on the whole planet? 372 00:28:15,806 --> 00:28:19,102 My dear Eleanor, there is no greater pleasure for a woman... 373 00:28:19,165 --> 00:28:21,302 than bicycling in one's bloomers. 374 00:28:21,372 --> 00:28:25,049 You know, bicycling for women is still very much frowned upon in Peterskill. 375 00:28:25,116 --> 00:28:26,545 Oh, what they're missing. 376 00:28:27,836 --> 00:28:30,356 Fresh air, the exercise! 377 00:28:30,428 --> 00:28:33,908 And the pleasure of a leather saddle between one's thighs. 378 00:28:33,978 --> 00:28:35,865 Oh, Virginia, what do you mean? 379 00:28:35,931 --> 00:28:39,671 "Bicycle smile," I believe they call it. It's changed my life. 380 00:28:39,737 --> 00:28:41,329 I'm afraid I don't follow. 381 00:28:41,401 --> 00:28:45,012 My dear, I have very little use for my husband... 382 00:28:45,080 --> 00:28:47,152 in the sexual gratification department. 383 00:28:47,224 --> 00:28:51,413 And so I find a long ride on my bicycle once a week does the trick. 384 00:28:52,918 --> 00:28:54,991 Come on, you two! Keep up. You're lagging. 385 00:28:55,064 --> 00:28:59,765 You go ahead, Eleanor. I feel a smile coming on. 386 00:29:06,837 --> 00:29:07,029 Every woman, every man 387 00:29:07,029 --> 00:29:11,184 Every woman, every man 388 00:29:11,250 --> 00:29:15,179 - Is at the temple of health - Nurse Graves? Irene? 389 00:29:16,243 --> 00:29:19,243 I'm Nurse Bloethal. Would you join me in the bathroom, please? 390 00:29:19,314 --> 00:29:22,032 I've already had one of those. 391 00:29:22,098 --> 00:29:24,999 Well, now you get another. 392 00:30:07,563 --> 00:30:08,969 Sir? 393 00:30:10,473 --> 00:30:12,675 Bender, Mr. Bender. Fetch him this instant. 394 00:31:19,357 --> 00:31:21,745 - Where the hell have you been? - Please, Charles, please. 395 00:31:21,821 --> 00:31:23,762 You're making a scene. Have a seat. 396 00:31:23,835 --> 00:31:25,722 Are you hungry? You must be. 397 00:31:25,788 --> 00:31:29,050 We had an appointment. We're supposed to be out looking for factories. 398 00:31:29,114 --> 00:31:32,049 Ah, slipped my mind. 399 00:31:32,122 --> 00:31:34,195 Delmonico steak, rare, for this gentleman. 400 00:31:34,265 --> 00:31:38,389 Smothered with onions and a plate of your delicious fried potatoes. 401 00:31:38,457 --> 00:31:40,431 - You look starved. - We're supposed to be on a budget! 402 00:31:40,505 --> 00:31:43,023 Hello. I'm George. 403 00:31:44,728 --> 00:31:47,116 Meet my luncheon companion, George Kellogg. 404 00:31:47,192 --> 00:31:50,736 Charles Ossining. Pleased to meet you. Did you say "Kellogg"? 405 00:31:50,807 --> 00:31:52,400 Mm-hmm. 406 00:31:52,470 --> 00:31:56,245 George has the proud distinction of being John Harvey Kellogg's son. 407 00:31:57,879 --> 00:31:59,438 The doctor's a very great man. 408 00:31:59,510 --> 00:32:01,516 He's a fuck pig. I hate him. 409 00:32:04,436 --> 00:32:09,106 Charles, this worthless bundle of piss and vomit beneath our table... 410 00:32:09,171 --> 00:32:11,853 is the good doctor's estranged adopted son. 411 00:32:11,923 --> 00:32:16,331 - No love lost between them, I'm afraid. - Did you say "worthless"? 412 00:32:16,402 --> 00:32:19,500 - Yeah. - Goodloe, hear me now. 413 00:32:19,570 --> 00:32:21,805 This man is the key to our fortune. 414 00:32:21,873 --> 00:32:23,628 You need your steak. You're delirious. 415 00:32:23,697 --> 00:32:26,085 - What if we made him our partner? - You're most certainly delirious. 416 00:32:26,863 --> 00:32:29,995 - Where the hell is this man's luncheon? - The name! 417 00:32:30,064 --> 00:32:33,031 The magic name. Kellogg. 418 00:32:33,103 --> 00:32:36,332 The good doctor's brother has spent millions advertising it. 419 00:32:36,397 --> 00:32:38,372 Don't you see? It's so simple! 420 00:32:38,446 --> 00:32:41,446 - We become... - Ah! 421 00:32:41,518 --> 00:32:44,267 Kellogg's Per-Fo Incorporated! 422 00:32:45,422 --> 00:32:47,177 It's brilliant, Charles. 423 00:32:47,245 --> 00:32:50,375 You are brilliant. There's no doubt. 424 00:32:50,443 --> 00:32:54,337 I feel a wind crackling with banknotes blowing in our direction. 425 00:32:55,531 --> 00:32:57,056 - But maybe it's... - It's what? 426 00:32:57,130 --> 00:32:59,519 Maybe it's a tad dishonest. 427 00:32:59,594 --> 00:33:01,318 It's enterprise. 428 00:33:01,386 --> 00:33:05,663 It's the lifeblood that pumps through the veins of this wonderful country. 429 00:33:05,737 --> 00:33:07,232 It's a stroke of genius. 430 00:33:08,615 --> 00:33:12,260 Lift up your eyes. Look. What do you see? 431 00:33:13,671 --> 00:33:16,224 - Wellville. - Yes! 432 00:33:18,790 --> 00:33:22,500 The shining spires of Wellville, gleaming in the sun. 433 00:33:22,567 --> 00:33:24,955 A magical land of health and money. 434 00:33:25,029 --> 00:33:28,096 It's a good idea, if I do say so myself. It is a great idea! 435 00:33:28,165 --> 00:33:30,020 You are a genius, Charles. 436 00:33:30,085 --> 00:33:34,077 You know, last night I awoke to the sound of spoons. 437 00:33:34,148 --> 00:33:35,936 - Spoons? - Millions of them. 438 00:33:36,005 --> 00:33:38,175 Rattling against a hundred million breakfast bowls... 439 00:33:38,243 --> 00:33:40,030 brimming with our cornflakes. 440 00:33:40,098 --> 00:33:41,952 Listen, Charles. 441 00:33:44,033 --> 00:33:45,463 What do you hear? 442 00:33:49,090 --> 00:33:51,129 The sound of money! 443 00:34:09,598 --> 00:34:11,604 Where would you like to sit, sir? 444 00:34:11,676 --> 00:34:14,709 - I was looking for my wife, actually. - Here's a menu, sir. 445 00:34:14,781 --> 00:34:17,301 The nut Lisbon steak with the gluten gravy looks delicious today. 446 00:34:17,373 --> 00:34:20,339 No. Toast. Dry toast and water. 447 00:34:24,251 --> 00:34:26,105 Won't you join us? 448 00:34:27,514 --> 00:34:29,237 Introductions, please, Mr. Hart-Jones. 449 00:34:29,305 --> 00:34:30,800 Endymion Hart-Jones. 450 00:34:30,873 --> 00:34:33,044 No, I'll just have the toast. 451 00:34:33,112 --> 00:34:36,048 That's my name. I'm not on the menu. 452 00:34:36,121 --> 00:34:38,032 This is Mrs. Tindermarsh. 453 00:34:38,104 --> 00:34:41,399 Miss Muntz you've met, I believe. 454 00:34:41,464 --> 00:34:43,407 The Russian gentleman at the end we call Mr. Unpronounceable... 455 00:34:43,479 --> 00:34:46,795 is from Saint Petersburg, and neither speaks nor understands English. 456 00:34:50,582 --> 00:34:52,849 Do smile at him. He has chronic wind, poor fellow. 457 00:34:58,772 --> 00:35:02,961 - Will Lightbody. - Eleanor's husband. What a pleasure. 458 00:35:05,203 --> 00:35:08,520 - Sore rectum? - Yes, somewhat. 459 00:35:08,595 --> 00:35:11,344 The enemas take some getting used to, but in time you'll learn... 460 00:35:11,409 --> 00:35:13,515 to look forward to them like an old friend with a cold nose. 461 00:35:13,586 --> 00:35:17,097 I must say five a day does seem a bit too, well, purgative. 462 00:35:17,168 --> 00:35:18,217 Five? 463 00:35:18,289 --> 00:35:22,957 The doctor is rather addicted to his enemas as befits a broom maker's son. 464 00:35:25,232 --> 00:35:28,101 I understand he got the idea in India. He was studying... 465 00:35:28,176 --> 00:35:30,793 Africa. It was Africa. 466 00:35:30,864 --> 00:35:33,796 Africa, India. Anyway... 467 00:35:33,870 --> 00:35:38,888 he was studying apes that apparently ate and pooed, as it were, simultaneously. 468 00:35:38,957 --> 00:35:42,372 Oh. Well, I don't eat very much. I don't eat very much at all. 469 00:35:42,445 --> 00:35:44,714 But the apes suffer not in the slightest... 470 00:35:44,781 --> 00:35:46,984 from the ailments that afflict the civilized bowel. 471 00:35:47,051 --> 00:35:49,636 We're all too house-trained, Mrs. Tindermarsh. 472 00:35:49,707 --> 00:35:53,187 But we couldn't go around evacuating at will, Mr. Hart-Jones. 473 00:35:53,258 --> 00:35:55,080 The mess would be frightful. 474 00:35:55,146 --> 00:35:57,382 Do you masticate, Mr. Lightbody? 475 00:35:57,450 --> 00:35:58,879 Do I what? 476 00:35:58,953 --> 00:36:00,197 Masticate? 477 00:36:00,906 --> 00:36:03,109 You're not a follower of Horace Fletcher? 478 00:36:03,177 --> 00:36:04,833 Fletcherize. 479 00:36:06,120 --> 00:36:09,665 - You really must chew, Mr. Lightbody. - Oh. 480 00:36:10,440 --> 00:36:15,108 One, two, three, four. 481 00:36:15,174 --> 00:36:18,949 Chew, chew, chew That is the thing to do 482 00:36:19,016 --> 00:36:20,475 Chew, chew, chew 483 00:36:20,550 --> 00:36:22,687 Good food is good for you 484 00:36:22,757 --> 00:36:24,644 Chew, chew, chew 485 00:36:24,708 --> 00:36:26,618 But only if you chew 486 00:36:26,694 --> 00:36:30,008 That is the right thing to do 487 00:37:02,463 --> 00:37:05,845 Poor thing has eaten nothing but toast for days. He's probably a little weak. 488 00:37:05,917 --> 00:37:07,772 Drink the water, Mr. Lightbody. 489 00:37:11,549 --> 00:37:13,074 I think I fainted. Ellie. 490 00:37:13,147 --> 00:37:15,057 We'll leave you to it, Mrs. Lightbody. 491 00:37:15,131 --> 00:37:16,954 It's all right, Will. Everything's fine. 492 00:37:17,019 --> 00:37:19,287 Oh, I miss you, Eleanor. 493 00:37:19,354 --> 00:37:22,136 I miss... I miss your kindness. 494 00:37:22,203 --> 00:37:23,893 But I'm here, Will. I'm here now. 495 00:37:23,962 --> 00:37:26,166 I'm scared, EI. I want to go home. 496 00:37:26,233 --> 00:37:29,167 - No, please. Pull yourself together. - I wanna go home! 497 00:37:29,241 --> 00:37:30,899 Please, you're making an exhibition of yourself! 498 00:37:30,969 --> 00:37:32,823 I just won't let you spoil this for me. 499 00:37:36,889 --> 00:37:39,473 I don't like this place. I want to go home. 500 00:37:40,183 --> 00:37:41,808 But we both made a promise. 501 00:37:41,877 --> 00:37:43,883 We're not well. Neither of us. 502 00:37:43,957 --> 00:37:46,576 Don't you see we can never be happy until we're healthy again? 503 00:37:46,647 --> 00:37:49,396 It's such a small sacrifice for all the happy years ahead of us. 504 00:37:49,461 --> 00:37:51,633 But I feel violated here. 505 00:37:51,702 --> 00:37:53,294 I give up. 506 00:37:53,366 --> 00:37:55,219 I love you, Eleanor, sick as I am. 507 00:37:55,285 --> 00:37:57,106 I'm sick too. I'm sick of your self-pity. 508 00:37:57,172 --> 00:38:00,270 Can't you see this is the only place where I'm completely happy? 509 00:38:00,339 --> 00:38:03,502 Eleanor, I know it's been hard for you, but it's these people. 510 00:38:03,571 --> 00:38:07,563 These good people were at my side when I had my baby. You weren't. 511 00:38:07,634 --> 00:38:10,450 You told me to stay away. You made me stay away. 512 00:38:10,514 --> 00:38:13,829 I was in Peterskill chewing at my insides waiting for your telegram. 513 00:38:13,903 --> 00:38:16,653 - I wanted to come. - You were a useless drunk! 514 00:38:16,721 --> 00:38:19,654 I didn't want you near me, and I certainly didn't want you near my baby! 515 00:38:19,727 --> 00:38:22,312 By the time you'd sobered up, our baby was dead! 516 00:38:30,510 --> 00:38:32,996 I'm sorry. 517 00:38:33,069 --> 00:38:35,141 I'm truly sorry. 518 00:38:45,579 --> 00:38:48,961 Is something wrong? What's the matter? 519 00:38:55,370 --> 00:38:57,061 So why on earth did you bring him here? 520 00:38:57,129 --> 00:39:00,195 I had to. He's very sick. 521 00:39:00,264 --> 00:39:03,395 - And in a way, it's all my fault. - Oh, rubbish. 522 00:39:03,463 --> 00:39:05,186 It's true, Virginia. 523 00:39:05,255 --> 00:39:09,664 You see, I poisoned him. 524 00:39:09,735 --> 00:39:12,604 You poisoned him? When? 525 00:39:12,679 --> 00:39:15,231 How? Strychnine? Arsenic? 526 00:39:15,301 --> 00:39:17,124 It wasn't deliberate. I didn't mean to hurt him. 527 00:39:17,189 --> 00:39:19,775 He used to take Hostetter's Bitters for his stomach and... 528 00:39:19,845 --> 00:39:23,041 Don't tell me... 80% alcohol. Wonderful stuff. 529 00:39:23,110 --> 00:39:25,411 I used to take it for my monthly. 530 00:39:25,476 --> 00:39:29,251 Then he went on to drinking a whole bottle of Old Crow a night. 531 00:39:29,317 --> 00:39:32,185 He was like a stranger. And he always wanted... 532 00:39:32,258 --> 00:39:33,534 Sex? 533 00:39:35,587 --> 00:39:37,113 - It was... - Don't tell me. 534 00:39:37,185 --> 00:39:40,482 Grunt, grunt, thank you very much. Good night, spit, snore. 535 00:39:40,545 --> 00:39:44,854 - It wasn't that I didn't want him... - Marriage is legalized prostitution. 536 00:39:44,930 --> 00:39:48,343 I wanted to be more than a hole in the mattress that answers to a name. 537 00:39:48,863 --> 00:39:50,008 Amen. 538 00:39:51,071 --> 00:39:55,445 So I saw this cure for drunkenness in the Lily magazine. 539 00:39:55,518 --> 00:39:59,828 The Sears White Star Liquor Cure, it was called. 540 00:39:59,902 --> 00:40:03,348 And I used to slip a drop into his coffee each evening... 541 00:40:03,421 --> 00:40:05,276 and he slept. 542 00:40:06,397 --> 00:40:11,132 He didn't go out or get drunk, he just slept and slept. 543 00:40:11,197 --> 00:40:14,675 It was... It was wonderful. 544 00:40:14,746 --> 00:40:19,634 But then when I was here last, he found the bottle and had it analyzed. 545 00:40:19,705 --> 00:40:21,560 What was in it? 546 00:40:24,026 --> 00:40:25,814 The juice of the poppy. 547 00:40:26,905 --> 00:40:28,727 Opium? 548 00:40:30,361 --> 00:40:32,214 Yes. 549 00:40:33,272 --> 00:40:37,046 I'd turned him into an opium addict. 550 00:40:37,110 --> 00:40:40,525 He had terrible nightmares. 551 00:40:40,597 --> 00:40:43,380 And finally his stomach just completely gave up on him and... 552 00:40:48,085 --> 00:40:52,590 Supposing he dies, just like my baby died. 553 00:40:52,659 --> 00:40:54,634 Oh, everything's my fault. 554 00:40:58,516 --> 00:41:02,344 I want so much to love him. 555 00:41:02,419 --> 00:41:05,680 I've... I've just forgotten how. 556 00:41:30,446 --> 00:41:32,300 Who is that man? 557 00:41:32,364 --> 00:41:34,983 Bartholomew Bookbinder. One of Kellogg's top men. 558 00:41:35,052 --> 00:41:39,491 And now he works for us. He's good, and he's cheap. 559 00:41:39,562 --> 00:41:41,569 Never heard of him. 560 00:41:41,642 --> 00:41:44,577 - You've never heard of him? - No. 561 00:41:44,650 --> 00:41:47,139 - You know of him? - No. 562 00:41:47,210 --> 00:41:48,387 - Seen him around? - Nope. 563 00:41:48,458 --> 00:41:50,313 - The name must ring a bell. - Nope. 564 00:42:13,829 --> 00:42:15,040 Here she is. 565 00:42:17,156 --> 00:42:21,466 It doesn't seem very... well... hygienic. 566 00:42:24,388 --> 00:42:28,347 Don't be petty, Charles. From humble beginnings... 567 00:42:34,050 --> 00:42:37,083 Gentlemen, I think a little celebration... 568 00:42:37,153 --> 00:42:38,843 is called for. 569 00:42:38,913 --> 00:42:40,823 Charles, please... 570 00:42:40,897 --> 00:42:42,838 as president and chief... 571 00:42:42,911 --> 00:42:45,464 I think a few choice words from you... 572 00:42:45,534 --> 00:42:47,640 are in order. 573 00:42:51,870 --> 00:42:54,455 To our prosperous futures. 574 00:42:56,766 --> 00:42:59,763 No, no, no, no. 575 00:42:59,836 --> 00:43:03,633 To the shining spires of Wellville. 576 00:43:04,731 --> 00:43:05,778 To Wellville. 577 00:43:12,378 --> 00:43:15,029 We love good food! 578 00:43:15,098 --> 00:43:18,642 No fish or fowl... 579 00:43:18,714 --> 00:43:23,634 is a friend of the bowel. 580 00:43:23,703 --> 00:43:26,901 We eat good food. 581 00:43:26,967 --> 00:43:30,098 Puts us in a... 582 00:43:30,168 --> 00:43:32,207 good mood. 583 00:43:35,254 --> 00:43:38,451 Ah, Mr. Lightbody, good morning. I hope I haven't kept you waiting. 584 00:43:38,518 --> 00:43:41,366 - Have a pomegranate. - I don't think that I ought to... 585 00:43:41,429 --> 00:43:45,324 No? Antitoxic. The finest roughage God ever provided. 586 00:43:45,397 --> 00:43:47,250 Off with the robe, please. 587 00:43:51,540 --> 00:43:52,946 A sample of your stool, please. 588 00:43:53,011 --> 00:43:54,505 Here? Now? 589 00:43:54,580 --> 00:43:56,105 Behind the screen, sir. 590 00:44:01,170 --> 00:44:04,747 You are autointoxicated, Mr. Lightbody. Quite frankly, it was obvious. 591 00:44:07,472 --> 00:44:10,887 Drawn features, dry hair, mournful expression, sunken eyes. 592 00:44:12,144 --> 00:44:13,606 Coated tongue. 593 00:44:17,935 --> 00:44:20,072 Now, ready? 594 00:44:27,724 --> 00:44:29,351 Is that it? 595 00:44:29,421 --> 00:44:31,013 Well, I don't eat very much. 596 00:44:31,084 --> 00:44:32,840 And with the enemas... 597 00:44:32,908 --> 00:44:35,557 Your stool, Mr. Lightbody, quite frankly, is pathetic. 598 00:44:35,627 --> 00:44:37,862 Formless, mushy and foul-smelling. 599 00:44:37,931 --> 00:44:40,418 - Take it away, Nurse. - How should they be? 600 00:44:40,490 --> 00:44:42,117 My own stools, sir, are perfect. 601 00:44:42,186 --> 00:44:45,285 They are gigantic and have no more odor than a hot biscuit. 602 00:44:45,354 --> 00:44:48,103 On to the Morris-Scope, if you will, please. 603 00:45:08,613 --> 00:45:10,205 Ha! Just as I thought! 604 00:45:10,277 --> 00:45:13,472 Mr. Lightbody, you, sir, are the reason why so many women... 605 00:45:13,541 --> 00:45:16,988 like your dear, beautiful wife, are old longer than they are young. 606 00:45:17,061 --> 00:45:18,816 But I've done everything I could to help her... 607 00:45:18,883 --> 00:45:20,673 to comfort her, to... 608 00:45:22,468 --> 00:45:26,689 Connubial relations, sir. Your natural urges. 609 00:45:26,754 --> 00:45:27,801 Sex. 610 00:45:28,513 --> 00:45:32,506 Candidly, Mr. Lightbody, the lump of flesh that dangles between your legs... 611 00:45:32,578 --> 00:45:34,552 is a dangerous weapon. 612 00:45:34,626 --> 00:45:37,112 It will have to be harnessed, locked away, retired. For both your sakes. 613 00:45:37,185 --> 00:45:40,119 But we don't... Well, not lately. Not for a long time. 614 00:45:40,192 --> 00:45:41,947 Not since the... 615 00:45:42,014 --> 00:45:44,982 It is my scientific conclusion that sex is unnecessary and dangerous. 616 00:45:45,054 --> 00:45:46,550 But isn't that a bit drastic? 617 00:45:46,624 --> 00:45:48,662 You cannot afford the loss of life-giving fluids. 618 00:45:48,734 --> 00:45:51,383 The shock to the system can be fatal. Please, blow into this. 619 00:45:54,045 --> 00:45:55,735 I get erections. 620 00:45:55,804 --> 00:45:58,007 - You get what? - Erections. 621 00:45:59,068 --> 00:46:01,750 He gets erections. 622 00:46:02,876 --> 00:46:06,259 I warn you, sir, an erection is a flagpole on your grave. 623 00:46:06,331 --> 00:46:07,705 I can't help it. 624 00:46:07,771 --> 00:46:11,960 You listen to me, Lightbody. Our baser appetites can and must be controlled. 625 00:46:12,026 --> 00:46:15,090 I myself am a monk with regard to the sexual intercourse... 626 00:46:15,161 --> 00:46:17,495 and hence I am a beacon of good fine health... 627 00:46:17,561 --> 00:46:19,416 and more importantly, so is my dear beautiful wife. 628 00:46:19,481 --> 00:46:20,886 - I didn't realize... - Fortunately, I can help you. 629 00:46:20,953 --> 00:46:23,635 - And so can someone else. - Who? 630 00:46:23,704 --> 00:46:26,007 - The Bulgarians. - The Bulgarians? 631 00:46:26,071 --> 00:46:29,868 The Bulgarians live longer than any other humans on earth, and you know why? 632 00:46:29,943 --> 00:46:31,917 No, I'm sorry, I don't know any Bulgarians. 633 00:46:32,789 --> 00:46:34,797 - Yogurt. - Yogurt? 634 00:46:34,870 --> 00:46:36,812 Nurse Graves! 635 00:46:37,525 --> 00:46:39,051 - Yes, Doctor? - Take Mr. Lightbody... 636 00:46:39,124 --> 00:46:41,646 to the yogurt room and give him 15 gallons. 637 00:46:41,717 --> 00:46:44,083 Oh, no, no, I can't eat 15 gallons of yogurt. 638 00:46:44,148 --> 00:46:47,443 Oh, it's not goin' in that end, Mr. Lightbody. 639 00:47:27,404 --> 00:47:29,160 But I get desires. 640 00:47:29,229 --> 00:47:31,845 You mustn't. Not at the San. 641 00:47:31,914 --> 00:47:33,889 It's very bad for your health. 642 00:47:34,762 --> 00:47:35,907 Erections? 643 00:47:35,979 --> 00:47:39,110 Yes! All the time. Since I got here. 644 00:47:39,179 --> 00:47:41,763 Ah, the silent killer of the night. 645 00:47:41,834 --> 00:47:45,378 They say nothing takes the rosiness from the cheeks... 646 00:47:45,450 --> 00:47:47,782 as fast as personal fornication. 647 00:47:57,383 --> 00:48:00,612 Oh, the pleasures of the sinusoidal bath. 648 00:48:00,678 --> 00:48:03,098 One of the doctor's better inventions. 649 00:48:03,173 --> 00:48:05,029 Feel the current tingle, Will? 650 00:48:05,094 --> 00:48:08,159 - I do. Isn't it dangerous? - Apparently not. 651 00:48:08,229 --> 00:48:10,847 Can you feel those electric ants nibbling at your privates? 652 00:48:10,916 --> 00:48:15,454 Fish. Fish! More like being eaten alive by fish. 653 00:48:16,292 --> 00:48:19,803 They say it's the equivalent of climbing the steps of the Washington Monument. 654 00:48:19,875 --> 00:48:24,063 - You don't even loosen your tie. - I think it's giving me an erection! 655 00:48:24,129 --> 00:48:26,551 More amperes, please, Mr. Woodbine. 656 00:48:27,744 --> 00:48:30,527 Let us brave the foothills of Mount Everest to... 657 00:48:34,752 --> 00:48:37,402 Nibble, nibble. 658 00:48:49,822 --> 00:48:52,056 In and out. 659 00:48:52,125 --> 00:48:55,508 In and out. 660 00:48:55,580 --> 00:48:58,100 Seize the air with your lungs. 661 00:48:58,172 --> 00:49:01,881 That's the way. In and out. 662 00:49:04,187 --> 00:49:07,088 Inhale, exhale the toxins. 663 00:49:16,057 --> 00:49:19,535 Well, I leave you to the warm threads of the doctor's electric blanket... 664 00:49:19,607 --> 00:49:22,129 one of his inventions that I fear will not catch on. 665 00:49:22,199 --> 00:49:24,085 Enjoy your little nap. 666 00:49:24,151 --> 00:49:27,861 I'm off to the warm embrace of my afternoon enema. 667 00:49:36,885 --> 00:49:38,130 Mr. Lightbody? 668 00:49:40,756 --> 00:49:42,349 It's Ida. 669 00:49:42,419 --> 00:49:44,972 - Ida Muntz. - Oh, Miss Muntz. 670 00:49:46,195 --> 00:49:48,299 How are you enjoying your stay at the San? 671 00:49:49,138 --> 00:49:51,113 Still feeling my way. 672 00:49:51,186 --> 00:49:52,878 Feeling any better? 673 00:49:52,947 --> 00:49:55,017 Ah, yes, lots. 674 00:49:55,089 --> 00:49:58,885 - And you? - About the same. 675 00:49:59,793 --> 00:50:02,311 Miss Muntz, please forgive me for asking... 676 00:50:02,384 --> 00:50:04,937 but what exactly is the matter with you? 677 00:50:05,008 --> 00:50:06,600 Oh, green sickness. 678 00:50:06,671 --> 00:50:09,159 Oh, green sickness. 679 00:50:10,224 --> 00:50:11,913 Don't you just hate the food? 680 00:50:11,981 --> 00:50:14,315 Well, I don't eat very much. 681 00:50:14,380 --> 00:50:17,163 Do you have a bad stomach? 682 00:50:17,964 --> 00:50:22,721 You have very kind eyes and a very noble nose. 683 00:50:22,798 --> 00:50:23,908 I do? 684 00:50:24,844 --> 00:50:28,421 Will, I have a confession to make. 685 00:50:28,491 --> 00:50:33,029 At nights I lay in my bed just across the hallway from you... 686 00:50:33,098 --> 00:50:36,513 and I think but for my green sickness, you might find me attractive. 687 00:50:36,586 --> 00:50:38,047 But I do. 688 00:50:38,121 --> 00:50:41,252 I look at myself in the mirror and think, " Who would kiss me? 689 00:50:41,321 --> 00:50:43,687 Who would make love to a plate of moldy bread?" 690 00:50:43,751 --> 00:50:46,600 Oh, don't say that, Miss Muntz. You mustn't say that. 691 00:50:46,663 --> 00:50:48,486 Can't you see my face? 692 00:50:48,552 --> 00:50:50,493 Yes, I see your face. 693 00:50:51,560 --> 00:50:52,933 Well? 694 00:50:52,999 --> 00:50:56,610 It's a bit pale, that's all. 695 00:50:59,622 --> 00:51:01,824 I've made up my mind. 696 00:51:01,892 --> 00:51:04,860 If I've been scheduled to die, I've decided to live. 697 00:51:07,301 --> 00:51:09,886 Could I ask you a very great favor? 698 00:51:12,131 --> 00:51:15,960 Inhale fresh air. Exhale the toxins. 699 00:51:16,035 --> 00:51:17,888 In and out. 700 00:51:22,529 --> 00:51:25,016 Seize the air with your lungs. 701 00:51:25,089 --> 00:51:26,944 That's the way. 702 00:51:28,545 --> 00:51:31,390 In and out. 703 00:51:31,456 --> 00:51:35,253 In, out. That's the ticket. 704 00:51:35,327 --> 00:51:36,984 In, out. 705 00:52:16,503 --> 00:52:18,738 Will, I came to say I'm sorry. 706 00:52:18,806 --> 00:52:20,300 For everything. 707 00:52:20,374 --> 00:52:22,829 It's okay. 708 00:52:22,903 --> 00:52:25,356 I just... I just want you to get better. 709 00:52:25,430 --> 00:52:28,877 I want us both to get better. It was wrong of me to blame you for the baby. 710 00:52:28,950 --> 00:52:30,838 It was my fault. 711 00:52:30,901 --> 00:52:33,290 No, I blame myself because I just wasn't healthy enough. 712 00:52:33,364 --> 00:52:35,468 That's why this is so important to me, don't you see? 713 00:52:35,540 --> 00:52:38,026 I do. 714 00:52:38,098 --> 00:52:41,262 I know you'll grow to love this place as much as I do. 715 00:52:41,331 --> 00:52:43,218 I'll try. 716 00:52:43,282 --> 00:52:46,413 I really will. That's a promise. 717 00:52:47,570 --> 00:52:49,513 And when we're both well... 718 00:52:49,586 --> 00:52:52,301 I want you to come to me. 719 00:52:52,368 --> 00:52:55,368 I want you to give me another baby. 720 00:53:12,142 --> 00:53:13,864 Not yet, not yet. 721 00:53:13,933 --> 00:53:15,493 In a month or so. 722 00:53:15,565 --> 00:53:17,986 - A month? - When we're both well. 723 00:53:19,596 --> 00:53:21,451 You're so beautiful. 724 00:53:26,282 --> 00:53:28,649 Mr. Lightbody! Mrs. Lightbody! 725 00:53:30,953 --> 00:53:33,735 Ellie! Eleanor, please! 726 00:53:33,802 --> 00:53:35,775 I'm very disappointed in you, Will. 727 00:53:37,257 --> 00:53:39,841 Please make sure you drink your milk. 728 00:53:39,912 --> 00:53:42,530 We only kissed. We didn't do anything. 729 00:53:42,600 --> 00:53:44,772 We were just talking. Just talking. 730 00:53:44,839 --> 00:53:47,074 About how much we like it here. About how much we like the San. 731 00:53:47,143 --> 00:53:48,998 Just drink your milk! 732 00:53:49,063 --> 00:53:51,746 - I have feelings, you know. - So do I. 733 00:54:20,386 --> 00:54:22,588 Oh, I'm sorry. I was just... 734 00:54:22,657 --> 00:54:24,543 I was passing by and your door was open. 735 00:54:24,609 --> 00:54:27,028 It's my face, isn't it? 736 00:54:27,103 --> 00:54:28,892 Your face? 737 00:54:28,959 --> 00:54:31,261 You're staring at my face. 738 00:54:32,607 --> 00:54:34,843 No, I was... 739 00:54:35,710 --> 00:54:37,019 What color is it? 740 00:54:38,750 --> 00:54:40,538 Viridian. 741 00:54:41,565 --> 00:54:43,867 What color is it? Say it. 742 00:54:45,244 --> 00:54:47,099 Creme de menthe? 743 00:54:48,380 --> 00:54:49,755 What color is it? 744 00:54:51,612 --> 00:54:53,301 It's green. 745 00:54:53,371 --> 00:54:55,476 Well, no, no. It isn't really green. 746 00:54:55,548 --> 00:54:58,264 It's more, uh... 747 00:54:58,331 --> 00:55:00,567 It's more pale than green. 748 00:55:01,785 --> 00:55:03,759 Will, I'm cold. 749 00:55:04,473 --> 00:55:06,807 Would you like me to get you a blanket? 750 00:55:09,176 --> 00:55:11,086 Would you please lay on top of me? 751 00:55:31,571 --> 00:55:33,808 Would you please close the flap? 752 00:55:44,561 --> 00:55:46,469 Now do it. 753 00:55:46,545 --> 00:55:48,236 Do it? 754 00:55:48,304 --> 00:55:49,679 Do it. 755 00:56:17,868 --> 00:56:19,240 Mr. Lightbody. 756 00:56:19,307 --> 00:56:21,282 Sorry. 757 00:56:21,356 --> 00:56:24,420 There is nothing finer 758 00:56:24,491 --> 00:56:28,003 Than toasted flakes 759 00:56:28,075 --> 00:56:31,869 And rice Carolina 760 00:56:31,945 --> 00:56:34,334 It's the natural law 761 00:56:34,409 --> 00:56:38,117 To eat the corn and grain 762 00:56:38,183 --> 00:56:40,966 So the spirits soar 763 00:56:41,033 --> 00:56:44,642 And bowels are born again 764 00:56:44,711 --> 00:56:47,297 Every woman 765 00:56:47,368 --> 00:56:50,659 Every man 766 00:57:02,563 --> 00:57:04,156 Eleanor, look. 767 00:57:05,187 --> 00:57:08,087 Do you see who it is? It's Lionel Badger. 768 00:57:08,162 --> 00:57:10,201 - Lionel who? - Dr. Lionel Badger... 769 00:57:10,274 --> 00:57:11,998 of the American Vegetarian Society. 770 00:57:12,065 --> 00:57:15,743 Surely you've heard of him. Oh, he's a wonderful fanatic. 771 00:57:15,809 --> 00:57:17,664 No, I don't know him. 772 00:57:17,729 --> 00:57:20,892 He wrote a fabulous paper on the clitoris. 773 00:57:20,959 --> 00:57:23,064 But I thought you said he was a vegetarian? 774 00:57:23,135 --> 00:57:24,990 It's all related, darling. 775 00:57:25,054 --> 00:57:26,909 It is? 776 00:57:48,667 --> 00:57:51,286 What actually did you do over at Kellogg's, Bart? 777 00:57:51,355 --> 00:57:54,289 Mostly I vacuumed the doctor's cows. 778 00:57:54,362 --> 00:57:58,354 Let me chuck some salt in here, sir. See how that works. 779 00:57:58,425 --> 00:58:01,425 I call this batch number seven. 780 00:58:01,496 --> 00:58:02,959 Excuse me. 781 00:58:04,440 --> 00:58:05,814 Bender? 782 00:58:07,224 --> 00:58:09,874 What is it, Charles? You have that look on your face again. 783 00:58:09,945 --> 00:58:12,114 They don't look very appetizing. 784 00:58:12,183 --> 00:58:14,037 They will. Give it time. 785 00:58:14,101 --> 00:58:16,240 Bookbinder doesn't seem to have much of a clue. 786 00:58:16,309 --> 00:58:18,731 Do you think maybe we hired him a bit too hastily? 787 00:58:18,805 --> 00:58:21,194 He wasn't even a baker at Kellogg's. He worked in the cow sheds. 788 00:58:21,268 --> 00:58:24,335 Never underestimate the abilities of the common man. 789 00:58:25,077 --> 00:58:28,523 Okay, there are 22 batches here. Each one of them different. 790 00:58:28,595 --> 00:58:31,049 An ounce of salt this way. A touch of malt the other. 791 00:58:31,123 --> 00:58:33,610 And I've got it all written down. 792 00:58:33,682 --> 00:58:35,789 And this is batch number one. 793 00:58:35,859 --> 00:58:38,707 Batch number one, it is, Mr. Bookbinder. 794 00:58:38,770 --> 00:58:40,014 Gentlemen... 795 00:58:41,906 --> 00:58:44,271 history is about to be eaten. 796 00:58:54,097 --> 00:58:56,167 Shit! 797 00:59:07,597 --> 00:59:11,208 Well, one down, twenty-one to go. 798 00:59:11,276 --> 00:59:13,348 Batch number two, please, Mr. Bookbinder. 799 00:59:13,420 --> 00:59:15,274 We mustn't get disheartened. 800 00:59:17,515 --> 00:59:19,686 Right, Goodloe? 801 01:00:05,345 --> 01:00:07,964 "The nipples, tongue, neck and lips may be utilized... 802 01:00:08,033 --> 01:00:11,164 to maintain and increase the libido sexualis." 803 01:00:11,234 --> 01:00:13,088 And read that bit at the bottom. 804 01:00:13,153 --> 01:00:17,014 About " it's no more than a woman has the right to demand. Any sexual pleasure..." 805 01:00:17,088 --> 01:00:19,509 What does Dr. Kellogg think of our Mr. Badger? 806 01:00:19,582 --> 01:00:21,176 Hates him. 807 01:00:23,838 --> 01:00:27,733 Tell me, Virginia, honestly, do you think that sex is harmful? 808 01:00:27,806 --> 01:00:31,668 Oh, another ridiculous idea dreamed up by men. 809 01:00:33,565 --> 01:00:35,767 The only thing harmful about sex, my dear... 810 01:00:35,835 --> 01:00:37,976 is when women don't get enough of it when they want it... 811 01:00:38,044 --> 01:00:40,532 or don't get to enjoy it when they do. 812 01:00:53,850 --> 01:00:55,759 Is there another batch? 813 01:01:00,823 --> 01:01:03,672 I've got it! We'll sell this batch as pig food. 814 01:01:04,952 --> 01:01:06,673 Vegopork. 815 01:01:06,743 --> 01:01:09,710 No, no, Per-Fo-Korno for vegetarian pigs. 816 01:01:09,783 --> 01:01:11,473 Don't think so. 817 01:01:13,623 --> 01:01:15,477 Even the pigs won't eat it. 818 01:01:39,986 --> 01:01:43,529 Oh come let us adore him 819 01:01:54,925 --> 01:01:57,293 You did not knock. I'm at my ablutions, sir. 820 01:01:57,358 --> 01:01:59,725 - He's here again, sir. - Who, Badger? 821 01:01:59,789 --> 01:02:01,034 No, sir. 822 01:02:01,101 --> 01:02:03,654 Your son, George. He's throwing projectiles. 823 01:02:03,725 --> 01:02:05,415 Projectiles? 824 01:02:05,485 --> 01:02:07,971 Cornflakes boxes, sir. At the guests. 825 01:02:08,043 --> 01:02:11,108 Boxes? Our cornflakes? 826 01:02:11,178 --> 01:02:13,066 - No, sir. - Not my brother's? 827 01:02:13,130 --> 01:02:16,677 No, sir. They're cornflakes boxes, but there's no cornflakes in 'em. 828 01:02:16,746 --> 01:02:18,437 They have... 829 01:02:18,505 --> 01:02:19,880 rice Carolina. 830 01:02:19,947 --> 01:02:21,058 Rice Carolina? 831 01:02:21,130 --> 01:02:24,261 Well, in a manner of speaking, yes. 832 01:02:24,329 --> 01:02:25,704 Actually... 833 01:02:26,729 --> 01:02:28,932 used rice Carolina, to be more precise. 834 01:02:28,999 --> 01:02:30,307 Used? 835 01:02:30,375 --> 01:02:33,311 I think young George has gained access to the latrines, sir. 836 01:02:33,385 --> 01:02:35,009 Latrines? 837 01:02:35,079 --> 01:02:37,250 He's throwing boxes of shit at the guests! 838 01:02:38,150 --> 01:02:39,645 What? 839 01:02:56,611 --> 01:02:59,032 Stop this at once! 840 01:02:59,105 --> 01:03:01,527 You're a bad boy. You're very, very naughty. 841 01:03:02,913 --> 01:03:04,288 Give us a cuddle. 842 01:03:04,355 --> 01:03:06,361 Silent night 843 01:03:07,392 --> 01:03:11,768 Holy night 844 01:03:11,840 --> 01:03:14,457 All is calm 845 01:03:14,527 --> 01:03:18,204 All is bright 846 01:03:19,070 --> 01:03:23,610 Round yon virgin 847 01:03:23,678 --> 01:03:26,525 Mother and child 848 01:03:26,589 --> 01:03:30,745 Holy infant 849 01:03:30,813 --> 01:03:35,569 So tender and mild 850 01:03:35,644 --> 01:03:38,676 Sleep in heavenly... 851 01:03:38,747 --> 01:03:39,795 Who was it? 852 01:03:39,869 --> 01:03:42,289 Stop it! 853 01:03:42,363 --> 01:03:44,664 Stop laughing! Who was it? 854 01:03:48,506 --> 01:03:50,359 The American foot. Underline. 855 01:03:50,425 --> 01:03:54,451 The American foot, like American teeth and American woman, is deteriorating. 856 01:03:54,521 --> 01:03:57,869 The big toe being so long and so separated as to be useless. 857 01:03:57,944 --> 01:04:01,141 The Japanese, on the other hand, have smaller toes. 858 01:04:01,207 --> 01:04:04,851 I once had a Japanese patient who could play the violin with his feet. 859 01:04:04,918 --> 01:04:08,179 Vivaldi, Beethoven, Mozart, Palestrina. 860 01:04:14,485 --> 01:04:16,340 You all right, Poult? 861 01:04:16,405 --> 01:04:18,346 What's the matter with you? 862 01:04:18,420 --> 01:04:19,794 Poult? 863 01:04:21,042 --> 01:04:24,173 Get that last note about the violin, Poult? Hey! 864 01:04:27,602 --> 01:04:30,253 Poultney Dab, you've had a heart attack. And much worse... 865 01:04:30,322 --> 01:04:31,915 you're dead, sir. 866 01:04:31,986 --> 01:04:35,695 You're a good man. Maybe I worked you too hard, but damn it all, man... 867 01:04:35,760 --> 01:04:38,891 it's very unprofessional of you, if I may say so. 868 01:04:38,961 --> 01:04:40,936 How could you, right here for everyone to see? 869 01:04:41,009 --> 01:04:43,429 What will people think? 870 01:04:43,504 --> 01:04:46,569 A fine advertisement for biological livin' you are, Poultney Dab! 871 01:04:47,919 --> 01:04:51,048 Very unprofessional. Do you hear me? 872 01:05:02,764 --> 01:05:05,798 Will, there you are. We'd quite given up on you. 873 01:05:06,860 --> 01:05:11,081 Mr. Unpronounceable and I were having an interesting conversation about the czar. 874 01:05:14,282 --> 01:05:16,137 Woodbine, more amperes. 875 01:05:16,201 --> 01:05:18,920 My John Thomas is limp between my thighs. 876 01:05:34,630 --> 01:05:36,485 Who are you thinking of? 877 01:05:36,551 --> 01:05:39,102 My dear, dear wife. A lonely religious woman. 878 01:05:39,173 --> 01:05:42,784 And the waitress at the kiosk with the enormous breasts. 879 01:05:42,853 --> 01:05:45,602 Cornflake-fed and yogurt-toned. 880 01:05:45,667 --> 01:05:46,779 And you? 881 01:05:47,813 --> 01:05:49,339 Eleanor, my wife. 882 01:05:50,371 --> 01:05:52,542 And Ida Muntz, no doubt. 883 01:05:52,611 --> 01:05:55,773 Yes, Miss Muntz. And Nurse Graves. 884 01:05:55,842 --> 01:05:57,914 Oh, ho-ho, Nurse Graves. 885 01:05:57,985 --> 01:06:01,052 More amperes please, Mr. Woodbine. 886 01:06:03,778 --> 01:06:05,816 And you, Mr. Unpronounceable? 887 01:06:08,768 --> 01:06:10,775 Oh, come now, Mr. Unpronounceable... 888 01:06:10,847 --> 01:06:13,269 I can't believe there isn't a tit or two... 889 01:06:13,343 --> 01:06:16,309 you would have liked to have squeezed in Saint Petersburg. 890 01:06:31,260 --> 01:06:33,115 What happened? Are they hurt? 891 01:06:33,180 --> 01:06:35,667 I do believe it's worse. I think they're dead. 892 01:06:35,738 --> 01:06:37,594 What? What should we do? 893 01:06:37,659 --> 01:06:41,203 Well, Woodbine, I'm sure, is a Seventh-Day Adventist... 894 01:06:41,274 --> 01:06:43,991 but I know no prayers whatsoever of the Russian Orthodox Church. 895 01:06:44,056 --> 01:06:45,966 They're dead, Endymion? 896 01:06:46,041 --> 01:06:48,144 They're dead! They've been electrocuted! 897 01:06:48,216 --> 01:06:51,761 Please don't get hysterical. It's terribly American and rather vulgar. 898 01:06:51,833 --> 01:06:54,702 These crackpot machines murdered them! Don't you understand? 899 01:06:54,775 --> 01:06:57,426 It is rather a severe cure for flatulence, I do admit. 900 01:06:57,496 --> 01:06:59,251 You're a lunatic. 901 01:06:59,318 --> 01:07:03,279 Mr. Unpronounceable is dead! He's dead! 902 01:07:03,351 --> 01:07:06,480 These... crazy contraptions killed him! 903 01:07:06,548 --> 01:07:09,931 You must get a perspective on things. I talked to the man. 904 01:07:10,006 --> 01:07:12,339 There was very little for him to look forward to in Russia. 905 01:07:12,404 --> 01:07:14,029 You're mad. 906 01:07:14,101 --> 01:07:15,987 And Woodbine? What about Woodbine? 907 01:07:16,051 --> 01:07:18,864 He's a bath attendant. He's probably never heard of Russia. 908 01:07:37,040 --> 01:07:38,730 Nurse Graves? Irene! 909 01:07:38,800 --> 01:07:42,411 - Where is she? - It's her day off. Can I help you? 910 01:07:47,917 --> 01:07:49,127 Ida? 911 01:07:50,319 --> 01:07:51,910 Ida? Miss Muntz? 912 01:07:51,981 --> 01:07:54,086 I'm afraid poor Ida's no longer with us. 913 01:07:54,157 --> 01:07:55,980 - She left? - She died. 914 01:07:56,717 --> 01:07:59,499 - What? - Last night, 4:00 a.m. 915 01:08:01,099 --> 01:08:02,922 It was very peaceful. 916 01:08:20,936 --> 01:08:23,205 - What happened? - Looks as if he had a heart attack. 917 01:08:23,272 --> 01:08:25,476 Everybody's dying! 918 01:08:25,543 --> 01:08:27,845 If this is the healthiest place on earth, why is everybody dying? 919 01:08:30,662 --> 01:08:33,445 Do we not hear the bleating of the calves? 920 01:08:33,510 --> 01:08:35,898 The bellowing of the bull? The cackling of frightened geese? 921 01:08:35,972 --> 01:08:38,078 The gobbling of reluctant turkeys? 922 01:08:39,717 --> 01:08:43,229 Do we not hear the shrieks of thousands of animals... 923 01:08:43,300 --> 01:08:45,307 we dare to call dumb? 924 01:09:05,407 --> 01:09:07,478 What are you having, sir? 925 01:09:07,550 --> 01:09:09,820 A whiskey. A double. 926 01:09:09,888 --> 01:09:11,894 And a beer chaser. 927 01:09:11,968 --> 01:09:14,267 And a hamburger... with bacon. 928 01:09:15,199 --> 01:09:17,238 Mr. Lightbody! 929 01:09:17,309 --> 01:09:20,538 Charles, Charles Ossining. We met on the train. 930 01:09:20,606 --> 01:09:22,328 We're all dying. 931 01:09:22,397 --> 01:09:25,014 Every man, woman and child. I'll drink to that. 932 01:09:28,732 --> 01:09:30,674 How would you like that hamburger, sir? 933 01:09:30,746 --> 01:09:33,167 Rare. No, not just rare. 934 01:09:34,300 --> 01:09:38,738 Really rare. In fact, cold in the middle. 935 01:09:43,960 --> 01:09:46,830 They make glue from animal's hooves. 936 01:09:46,905 --> 01:09:49,423 Buttons from bones. Combs from horns. 937 01:09:49,496 --> 01:09:51,471 Soap from their fat. 938 01:09:51,543 --> 01:09:54,892 They even make quack medicines from their testicles. 939 01:09:54,966 --> 01:09:57,966 That's awful. It's so sad. 940 01:09:59,830 --> 01:10:03,145 I've been so blind. You're a wonderful man. 941 01:10:09,300 --> 01:10:11,721 Dr. Badger! 942 01:10:11,795 --> 01:10:14,130 Your corset is gone, I'm pleased to see. 943 01:10:14,196 --> 01:10:16,748 The bust is the fountain of life. 944 01:10:16,820 --> 01:10:19,372 Flat-chested women are a danger to themselves. 945 01:10:21,105 --> 01:10:23,889 Now your glasses. 946 01:10:24,593 --> 01:10:25,738 My glasses? 947 01:10:25,809 --> 01:10:28,525 Mere crutches for the eyes. You don't need them. 948 01:10:28,593 --> 01:10:30,251 Throw them into the fire. 949 01:10:38,927 --> 01:10:42,919 We had the factory. We had the machinery. We had the staff. 950 01:10:42,990 --> 01:10:45,772 And, may I add, we had a great product! 951 01:10:45,837 --> 01:10:48,739 We were poised and ready for success. 952 01:10:49,932 --> 01:10:54,055 - And we run out of money. - Oh, you want money! 953 01:10:54,124 --> 01:10:56,457 I can give you money. 954 01:10:56,524 --> 01:10:58,377 No, no. I couldn't. 955 01:10:58,443 --> 01:11:01,225 Charlie, you haven't got a pot to piss in. 956 01:11:01,289 --> 01:11:03,012 But I envy you. 957 01:11:03,082 --> 01:11:04,359 You do? 958 01:11:04,425 --> 01:11:06,564 I envy you your dreams. 959 01:11:08,073 --> 01:11:09,697 Charlie. Charlie. 960 01:11:10,729 --> 01:11:12,965 We must never, ever... 961 01:11:13,033 --> 01:11:16,675 live in a world where dreams are rarer than money. 962 01:11:22,022 --> 01:11:25,284 How much do you want? Five hundred? A thousand? 963 01:11:26,662 --> 01:11:30,273 A thousand would be very helpful. 964 01:11:30,341 --> 01:11:32,796 Rejoice ye hands 965 01:11:32,869 --> 01:11:36,796 And be joyful on earth 966 01:11:36,869 --> 01:11:40,162 Rejoice in the face of the Lord 967 01:11:40,229 --> 01:11:42,017 For he cometh 968 01:11:42,084 --> 01:11:43,229 Hallelujah 969 01:11:45,090 --> 01:11:46,464 Hey, folks! 970 01:11:46,530 --> 01:11:49,345 Here at the San, the goose is not cooked! 971 01:11:53,249 --> 01:11:56,413 Merry Christmas to you all! Merry Christmas! 972 01:12:35,578 --> 01:12:38,839 The place is filled with shams... 973 01:12:38,904 --> 01:12:41,752 murderers and wife stealers. 974 01:12:43,673 --> 01:12:45,080 - Charlie? - Yes? 975 01:12:45,144 --> 01:12:47,152 Tell me truthfully, as my friend... 976 01:12:47,224 --> 01:12:49,396 - I am your friend. - You're my friend. 977 01:12:49,464 --> 01:12:52,144 Do I look any better for eating this seaweed? 978 01:12:52,214 --> 01:12:56,437 For having my insides sucked out of me? Do I? 979 01:12:56,502 --> 01:13:01,040 - No, you look like shit. - I look like shit. I feel like shit. 980 01:13:01,110 --> 01:13:04,012 - And you're in the shit. - I am definitely in the shit! 981 01:13:04,086 --> 01:13:06,287 Charlie, with friends like you... 982 01:13:06,355 --> 01:13:08,211 Who needs enemas? 983 01:13:13,940 --> 01:13:17,287 To friendship and to looking like shit. 984 01:13:17,362 --> 01:13:19,467 To being full of shit. 985 01:13:19,539 --> 01:13:22,952 To bad health. To indigestion. 986 01:13:23,025 --> 01:13:24,453 To shitsville! 987 01:13:34,608 --> 01:13:37,258 Why pretend that sex doesn't exist? 988 01:13:37,326 --> 01:13:40,773 Surely it's the clearest expression of health and vitality. 989 01:13:41,869 --> 01:13:45,131 But Dr. Kellogg says the loss of bodily fluids is a drain on the nervous system. 990 01:13:45,197 --> 01:13:47,051 But supposing he's wrong. 991 01:13:47,117 --> 01:13:49,899 Supposing these fluids build up inside you. 992 01:13:49,965 --> 01:13:52,779 And if they're bottled up, what happens to them? 993 01:13:52,844 --> 01:13:54,730 Will they explode? 994 01:13:55,946 --> 01:13:59,110 But isn't it true the good doctor has never had sex? 995 01:13:59,177 --> 01:14:01,567 - Mumps. - No! 996 01:14:01,641 --> 01:14:04,097 Are you saying that he's... That he can't... 997 01:14:04,170 --> 01:14:06,078 - Exactly. - I don't believe... 998 01:14:08,585 --> 01:14:11,432 Please excuse me. I'm terribly sorry. I'm afraid it's Will. 999 01:14:12,647 --> 01:14:12,775 Every woman, every man 1000 01:14:12,775 --> 01:14:16,867 Every woman, every man 1001 01:14:16,936 --> 01:14:19,837 Is at the temple of shit 1002 01:14:19,911 --> 01:14:22,148 Here at the Battle Creek San 1003 01:14:23,110 --> 01:14:25,923 We thought you should know, ma'am, before the boss finds him. 1004 01:14:25,989 --> 01:14:27,930 Thank you. 1005 01:14:28,005 --> 01:14:30,722 Will, what have you done? 1006 01:14:34,884 --> 01:14:37,152 You've been drinking. 1007 01:14:37,220 --> 01:14:39,903 Yes, thank you very much. I'll deal with it. 1008 01:14:40,994 --> 01:14:43,645 Ellie. Ellie, they killed them. 1009 01:14:43,714 --> 01:14:46,234 You're drunk! I can't believe you! 1010 01:14:46,306 --> 01:14:49,688 After all everyone's done for you! How could you do this to yourself? 1011 01:14:49,761 --> 01:14:53,535 They were murdered. Mr. Unpronounceable and Woodbine! 1012 01:14:53,600 --> 01:14:56,318 Oh, shut up! Did you actually think that you could get away with this? 1013 01:14:56,385 --> 01:14:58,718 They didn't just close their eyes and die. 1014 01:14:58,783 --> 01:15:02,644 They were electrocuted! In the suicidal bath! 1015 01:15:02,719 --> 01:15:06,133 - Fried like pork chops! - Will Lightbody, I've had enough. 1016 01:15:06,206 --> 01:15:09,620 Let me take you away from this place... 1017 01:15:09,694 --> 01:15:13,174 before we end up like Miss Muntz, before they kill us all. 1018 01:15:14,331 --> 01:15:16,219 You make it so difficult to love you. 1019 01:15:21,083 --> 01:15:22,458 Mr. Lightbody! 1020 01:15:22,523 --> 01:15:24,050 Pull him out! 1021 01:15:27,642 --> 01:15:29,202 Sorry, sir. 1022 01:15:33,498 --> 01:15:37,173 You have disobeyed my orders, risked your life... 1023 01:15:37,241 --> 01:15:39,247 plunged into some reckless debauch. 1024 01:15:39,319 --> 01:15:41,393 Are you mad? 1025 01:15:41,464 --> 01:15:42,990 I smell alcohol. 1026 01:15:43,063 --> 01:15:44,972 You are intoxicated, sir! 1027 01:15:53,975 --> 01:15:56,657 Sir, I see pickles and relish and ketchup... 1028 01:15:56,725 --> 01:15:58,798 and pork, yes, I see pork. 1029 01:15:58,870 --> 01:16:01,387 Meat. Red flesh and blood. 1030 01:16:02,420 --> 01:16:04,875 How could you, sir? 1031 01:16:08,498 --> 01:16:11,946 You obviously don't give two hoots about your own life, sir, but I do. 1032 01:16:12,019 --> 01:16:14,123 I'm gonna schedule you for surgery. 1033 01:16:14,194 --> 01:16:18,022 Not the knife! Please not the knife! I'm really sorry. 1034 01:16:18,096 --> 01:16:20,484 Too late to be sorry, sir. I'm gonna remove your kink. 1035 01:16:20,559 --> 01:16:23,821 - But I haven't even touched my wife. - I'm not talking about your penis. 1036 01:16:23,888 --> 01:16:26,125 I'm gonna chop out your offending intestines. Nurse! 1037 01:16:26,192 --> 01:16:31,429 Gastric lavage! Put Mr. Lightbody on the enema machine until further notice. 1038 01:17:13,606 --> 01:17:14,980 Be quick! 1039 01:17:48,194 --> 01:17:49,566 Ladies. 1040 01:17:49,632 --> 01:17:52,054 - Good morning, Doctor. - Good morning. 1041 01:18:12,220 --> 01:18:14,489 Good-bye! Good luck! 1042 01:18:32,216 --> 01:18:34,997 Did I die? Am I in heaven? 1043 01:18:35,064 --> 01:18:37,486 Heaven on earth. You're at the San. 1044 01:18:37,561 --> 01:18:41,452 Will, it was a success. Your kink is gone. 1045 01:18:58,676 --> 01:19:02,986 But surely if the testicles are never called upon, wouldn't they grow useless? 1046 01:19:03,060 --> 01:19:05,481 I can't believe that nature has made such a blunder... 1047 01:19:05,554 --> 01:19:08,337 as to provide the human race with such mischievous organs... 1048 01:19:08,402 --> 01:19:10,857 if we're not meant to put them to good use. 1049 01:19:10,930 --> 01:19:13,928 Mr. Badger, I think the other guests are less than pleased. 1050 01:19:14,001 --> 01:19:17,513 I'm not ashamed of my body. It's completely natural. 1051 01:19:17,584 --> 01:19:19,045 I agree. 1052 01:19:19,121 --> 01:19:21,389 Dress reform is about liberating the body from its artificial constraints. 1053 01:19:21,457 --> 01:19:25,711 - Isn't that what Professor Kuntz says? - You've read Freikorper Kultur, eh? 1054 01:19:25,775 --> 01:19:27,717 Are you familiar with the nudism movement? 1055 01:19:27,791 --> 01:19:29,196 Professor who? 1056 01:19:29,261 --> 01:19:30,888 "Cuntz." 1057 01:19:31,951 --> 01:19:33,510 Kuntz. Kuntz. 1058 01:19:33,582 --> 01:19:36,580 No, I haven't read him, but I think you're right. 1059 01:19:36,653 --> 01:19:38,725 What the heck. 1060 01:19:40,397 --> 01:19:42,981 Do you know what I'm wearing under these shorts? 1061 01:19:43,052 --> 01:19:45,669 - Nothing? - Nothing? 1062 01:19:46,570 --> 01:19:49,352 I'm sorry. I can't keep up with this. 1063 01:19:49,418 --> 01:19:52,036 I was just getting the hang of vegetarianism. 1064 01:19:52,906 --> 01:19:54,563 To the Germans. 1065 01:19:54,633 --> 01:19:56,903 Professor Cu... Kuntz. 1066 01:19:56,971 --> 01:19:59,587 And to Dr. Spitzvogel. 1067 01:19:59,657 --> 01:20:01,695 Who is Dr. Spitzvogel? 1068 01:20:01,768 --> 01:20:02,979 I don't know. 1069 01:20:03,048 --> 01:20:07,203 - He's a specialist in movement therapy. - Eleanor, you have to try it. 1070 01:20:07,271 --> 01:20:11,394 When I left, after my first session, I was floating on clouds. 1071 01:20:12,806 --> 01:20:15,044 But what did he do? 1072 01:20:15,110 --> 01:20:16,256 Well, he... 1073 01:20:16,327 --> 01:20:18,397 - He manipulates the womb. - And the breasts. 1074 01:20:18,468 --> 01:20:21,316 Die Handhabung Therapeutisch, to give it its German name. 1075 01:20:21,380 --> 01:20:23,768 Oh. I'm not doing anything German. 1076 01:20:23,845 --> 01:20:27,837 After only one session, I was weak. Weak! 1077 01:20:27,908 --> 01:20:28,835 Weak? 1078 01:20:30,403 --> 01:20:33,851 I am sure Dr. Kellogg would not approve. 1079 01:20:34,817 --> 01:20:36,573 - Oh, my God! - What? 1080 01:20:36,640 --> 01:20:40,057 There's a woman wearing a fox collar with head, feet, the whole thing! 1081 01:20:46,465 --> 01:20:48,439 That's not wine I spilled, madam, it's blood! 1082 01:20:48,512 --> 01:20:50,485 No animal should suffer for you to look beautiful. 1083 01:20:50,560 --> 01:20:52,413 - You're mad! - As you are ugly! 1084 01:20:52,479 --> 01:20:55,326 No amount of animals slaughtered in your behalf will make you look different. 1085 01:20:55,390 --> 01:20:57,627 Madam, control yourself. 1086 01:20:57,695 --> 01:21:01,142 Look at me, sir! Would you skin the flesh from my body as well? 1087 01:21:02,878 --> 01:21:05,723 - Bravo, Eleanor. - Bravo, Eleanor. 1088 01:21:07,421 --> 01:21:10,235 We're so proud of you, Eleanor. 1089 01:21:41,654 --> 01:21:43,562 It was a great success, Charles. 1090 01:21:43,637 --> 01:21:47,052 Just cast your eyes over those figures, and have a cigar. 1091 01:21:47,126 --> 01:21:49,777 Thirty-two thousand in advance orders. 1092 01:21:50,644 --> 01:21:53,131 I feel like Caesar returning from the Gaelic wars. 1093 01:21:54,612 --> 01:21:56,978 Have a cigar. 1094 01:21:57,043 --> 01:21:59,183 You should be pleased. We're on our way! 1095 01:22:04,370 --> 01:22:07,916 This is a letter from my aunt. She arrives on Friday. 1096 01:22:07,985 --> 01:22:10,124 Arrives? Mrs. Hookstratten? 1097 01:22:10,192 --> 01:22:14,021 Yes! She's going to the San for her nerves. 1098 01:22:14,096 --> 01:22:16,136 - She wants to visit the factory. - What factory? 1099 01:22:17,072 --> 01:22:20,868 Oh! Oh, yes. Our factory. 1100 01:22:20,943 --> 01:22:24,740 Well, that is rather inconvenient. 1101 01:22:24,815 --> 01:22:26,220 Inconvenient? 1102 01:22:29,293 --> 01:22:31,911 You hooked me like a fish, Bender. 1103 01:22:31,981 --> 01:22:35,177 You scaled me, you gutted me, you stuffed me and fried me! 1104 01:22:35,244 --> 01:22:38,090 Chewed me up, swallowed me, and shat me out again! 1105 01:22:38,156 --> 01:22:41,450 You bet your ass it's inconvenient! Don't you see? 1106 01:22:41,514 --> 01:22:45,289 We have no factory! These orders are for someone else's cornflakes! 1107 01:22:45,353 --> 01:22:48,517 You made me lie, you son of a bitch! Bender, I lied! 1108 01:22:48,586 --> 01:22:52,229 As day follows night, Charles, one truth is undeniable: 1109 01:22:52,297 --> 01:22:57,281 Behind every shining fortune lurks the shadow of a lie. 1110 01:22:59,433 --> 01:23:02,116 That's what business is. 1111 01:23:06,247 --> 01:23:09,094 Good-bye, Will. Time to go. 1112 01:23:10,213 --> 01:23:14,914 If I eat any more roughage, I feel I'd do my back passage a permanent injury. 1113 01:23:14,981 --> 01:23:16,671 Good-bye, Endymion. 1114 01:23:16,740 --> 01:23:19,196 I've grown quite fond of you these past few months. 1115 01:23:19,269 --> 01:23:21,724 Take care of yourself, dear boy. It's worth it. 1116 01:23:21,795 --> 01:23:23,683 Is it? Is all of this worth it? 1117 01:23:23,748 --> 01:23:25,603 Dear Will, what is life... 1118 01:23:25,667 --> 01:23:28,962 but a temporary victory over that which causes our inevitable death? 1119 01:23:31,393 --> 01:23:33,116 Looks like rain. 1120 01:23:33,186 --> 01:23:36,569 - Oh! I have a little gift for you. - What is it? 1121 01:23:36,641 --> 01:23:39,739 It's a Dusselberg Belt. German apparatus. 1122 01:23:39,808 --> 01:23:43,386 - Most sexual inventions are these days. - Sexual? 1123 01:23:43,456 --> 01:23:48,539 I didn't use it. I thought it might be useful to you in the twilight hours. 1124 01:23:49,407 --> 01:23:51,512 Thank you. Endymion, I'll miss you. 1125 01:23:51,581 --> 01:23:53,436 Good-bye, Will. 1126 01:23:55,614 --> 01:23:58,199 Follow your heart. It's the one organ... 1127 01:23:58,268 --> 01:24:01,650 that will surely let you down one day, so don't waste it while you're living. 1128 01:24:01,725 --> 01:24:05,073 I'll remember. Endymion, you're a special man. 1129 01:24:05,147 --> 01:24:06,643 Bye, Will. 1130 01:24:06,717 --> 01:24:08,210 Bye, Endymion. 1131 01:24:43,061 --> 01:24:44,916 I'm so glad you could come. 1132 01:24:44,981 --> 01:24:46,955 Come then, ja? 1133 01:25:27,438 --> 01:25:30,633 Please, you will remove your clothing and slip into this. 1134 01:25:30,700 --> 01:25:34,213 And then please, lie on the table and relax... 1135 01:25:34,284 --> 01:25:38,406 and dream and think only beautiful thoughts. 1136 01:26:04,646 --> 01:26:07,679 Here we have a beast of the wild. 1137 01:26:07,750 --> 01:26:11,065 And over here, folks, on the table, docile and benign... 1138 01:26:11,141 --> 01:26:13,245 we have our dearest Fauna. 1139 01:26:13,315 --> 01:26:16,034 The San's much-loved vegetarian wolf. 1140 01:26:18,915 --> 01:26:21,633 And relax, Mrs. Lightbody. 1141 01:26:21,701 --> 01:26:23,074 That's good. 1142 01:26:24,035 --> 01:26:26,336 That's good. Yes. 1143 01:26:26,403 --> 01:26:29,501 Breathe in, breathe out. 1144 01:26:30,594 --> 01:26:33,725 Open your legs, please. Just relax. 1145 01:26:33,793 --> 01:26:37,786 Don't worry. I am a doctor. That's good. 1146 01:26:37,857 --> 01:26:40,312 Relax. Yeah. 1147 01:26:40,384 --> 01:26:43,449 That's good. Enjoy it. Yes. 1148 01:26:43,519 --> 01:26:46,999 Think beautiful thoughts. 1149 01:26:47,934 --> 01:26:49,526 Dream. 1150 01:27:29,175 --> 01:27:31,379 See, not the slightest interest. 1151 01:27:31,446 --> 01:27:33,868 A beautiful passive animal. 1152 01:27:35,574 --> 01:27:37,427 Oh, yes, indeed. 1153 01:27:39,508 --> 01:27:42,377 A beast of the wild. 1154 01:27:43,893 --> 01:27:46,030 He's known only the carnal pleasures. 1155 01:28:24,397 --> 01:28:27,113 - Are you okay? - Yes, I'm fine. Thank you. 1156 01:28:27,179 --> 01:28:29,385 I think that I'm getting better. 1157 01:28:29,453 --> 01:28:32,451 I'll come back after you've had your nap. Can I get you anything? 1158 01:28:32,524 --> 01:28:36,776 No, not at the moment. Thank you, Irene. Maybe later. 1159 01:29:21,091 --> 01:29:23,644 I shall introduce it to the San early next year. 1160 01:29:23,714 --> 01:29:25,208 Mrs. Hookstratten! 1161 01:29:25,282 --> 01:29:26,972 Doctor! 1162 01:29:27,042 --> 01:29:29,408 How delightful to see you again. 1163 01:29:29,475 --> 01:29:31,447 I'm so sorry to hear about your nerves. 1164 01:29:31,521 --> 01:29:33,887 Please sit beside me. Tell me all about it. 1165 01:29:34,848 --> 01:29:38,742 But didn't the Alcotts practice free love, is it called? I mean, really. 1166 01:29:38,815 --> 01:29:41,368 You shouldn't sneer at free love. Its roots are purely feminist. 1167 01:29:41,439 --> 01:29:43,544 Conventional marriage is a prison. 1168 01:29:43,615 --> 01:29:46,516 One should go wherever love leads. 1169 01:29:46,590 --> 01:29:48,216 It's jealousy that's the obscenity. 1170 01:29:49,150 --> 01:29:52,857 And I want to see my nephew Charles whilst I'm here. 1171 01:29:52,924 --> 01:29:57,397 He's not really my nephew. He's the son of one of my under parlor maids. 1172 01:29:57,467 --> 01:30:01,875 Stupid woman. Always getting pregnant by some gate man or other. 1173 01:30:01,948 --> 01:30:05,013 Anyway, he has a thriving new breakfast food company. 1174 01:30:05,083 --> 01:30:07,156 Oh, really? What is it called? 1175 01:30:07,227 --> 01:30:10,933 Kellogg's. Of course. Kellogg's Per-Fo. 1176 01:30:11,001 --> 01:30:14,449 I thought you would've known, what with your son being one of the partners. 1177 01:30:15,480 --> 01:30:16,790 Partners? 1178 01:30:26,902 --> 01:30:28,146 George? 1179 01:30:28,214 --> 01:30:31,630 George Kellogg? What seems to be the problem? 1180 01:30:31,703 --> 01:30:34,451 I don't think he feels well, sir. 1181 01:30:34,517 --> 01:30:38,378 No? Then perhaps he needs a purgative. 1182 01:30:38,453 --> 01:30:41,168 What about calomel or castor oil? 1183 01:30:41,235 --> 01:30:44,717 Or shall we stop this nonsense and eat up our food? 1184 01:30:44,787 --> 01:30:47,023 Food? You call this food? 1185 01:30:48,850 --> 01:30:50,444 What did you say? 1186 01:30:50,514 --> 01:30:53,863 We want proper food. Meat and potatoes is what we want. 1187 01:30:55,218 --> 01:30:57,191 Ida, stop laughing! David, stop laughing! 1188 01:30:57,265 --> 01:30:58,791 Meat and potatoes! 1189 01:30:58,864 --> 01:31:00,774 Stop it, George! 1190 01:31:00,848 --> 01:31:01,862 Stop it! 1191 01:31:04,912 --> 01:31:07,593 I command you to stop now! 1192 01:31:07,663 --> 01:31:09,518 George, stop it! 1193 01:31:31,339 --> 01:31:33,345 Why is he like this? 1194 01:31:33,418 --> 01:31:35,785 What did I do wrong? 1195 01:31:35,850 --> 01:31:38,982 I mean, didn't I give him everything? Everything? 1196 01:31:40,041 --> 01:31:42,625 Everything you could. 1197 01:31:42,697 --> 01:31:45,031 Then why does he hate me so? 1198 01:31:45,097 --> 01:31:48,095 Maybe what you're giving him isn't what he wants. 1199 01:32:13,443 --> 01:32:15,298 Mr. Bender, please. It's Charles Oss... 1200 01:32:15,363 --> 01:32:19,256 I know, sir. Mr. Charles Ossining. You're president of Per-Fo Food Company. 1201 01:32:19,329 --> 01:32:22,842 Indeed. Well, tell Mr. Bender I'm here, will you? 1202 01:32:22,913 --> 01:32:26,688 That's not possible, sir. Unfortunately, Mr. Bender is no longer a resident. 1203 01:32:26,753 --> 01:32:30,429 - What? - He checked out, or rather disappeared. 1204 01:32:30,496 --> 01:32:33,463 The second floor maid found his room empty, but... 1205 01:32:33,535 --> 01:32:37,756 he did leave a note saying that you would be settling his account. 1206 01:32:37,822 --> 01:32:41,171 Which is a substantial sum. A very substantial sum. 1207 01:32:42,206 --> 01:32:44,214 And these two gentlemen also would like a word with you. 1208 01:32:44,285 --> 01:32:45,530 - Yes? - Mr. Ossining? 1209 01:32:45,597 --> 01:32:47,898 - Yes. - Mr. Charles Ossining? 1210 01:32:47,966 --> 01:32:50,932 I have to serve due process, sir, to inform you... 1211 01:32:51,004 --> 01:32:54,167 that separate lawsuits have been filed in the Calhoun County court... 1212 01:32:54,234 --> 01:32:58,326 to enjoin the production, sale and transportation of Kellogg's Per-Fo. 1213 01:32:58,396 --> 01:33:00,697 And substantial damages are being claimed. 1214 01:33:00,762 --> 01:33:02,966 And I have Mr. Bender's bill here, sir... 1215 01:33:03,034 --> 01:33:05,139 and his instructions to give it to you. 1216 01:33:10,329 --> 01:33:12,401 Stop him! 1217 01:33:14,233 --> 01:33:16,567 Stop that man! 1218 01:33:17,591 --> 01:33:19,347 Stop! Stop! 1219 01:33:26,102 --> 01:33:27,565 Lightbody! 1220 01:33:30,582 --> 01:33:32,882 Mr. Lightbody, please sit down. 1221 01:33:34,006 --> 01:33:37,320 Something has come to my attention that I think you should be aware of. 1222 01:33:37,396 --> 01:33:39,784 It is your wife. 1223 01:33:39,859 --> 01:33:42,029 Yes. To my displeasure... 1224 01:33:42,099 --> 01:33:44,968 she's been seeing an outside physician. 1225 01:33:46,387 --> 01:33:50,161 Not Badger. No. Although he is no doubt responsible. 1226 01:33:50,226 --> 01:33:52,844 No, it is worse. It is a German. 1227 01:33:52,914 --> 01:33:55,879 - A German? - Yes, sir, a German. 1228 01:33:55,953 --> 01:33:57,840 By the name of... What is it, Jarvis? 1229 01:33:57,904 --> 01:34:00,358 Spitzvogel. Dr. Spitzvogel. 1230 01:34:00,432 --> 01:34:03,397 It seems that Eleanor's been taken by... 1231 01:34:03,470 --> 01:34:06,341 Die Handhabung Therapeutisch. 1232 01:34:06,416 --> 01:34:07,909 Is it serious? 1233 01:34:07,984 --> 01:34:10,917 It is not a disease. It is a treatment. 1234 01:34:10,989 --> 01:34:13,509 - I'm sorry, I don't follow. - It is her womb. 1235 01:34:13,581 --> 01:34:15,304 Her womb? 1236 01:34:15,372 --> 01:34:18,242 She's been having it manipulated. 1237 01:34:19,212 --> 01:34:22,027 Manipulated? Is that dangerous? 1238 01:34:22,093 --> 01:34:25,669 There are certain things a doctor and a priest cannot share with his flock... 1239 01:34:25,739 --> 01:34:28,195 but I will say this, look to your wife. 1240 01:34:28,267 --> 01:34:31,234 You're neglecting a beautiful woman, sir. 1241 01:34:31,306 --> 01:34:34,176 And now I will move on. Into the next room, please. 1242 01:34:34,251 --> 01:34:36,802 Miss Jarvis, item two, if you will. 1243 01:34:36,874 --> 01:34:38,912 Into the room, sir. Thank you. 1244 01:34:42,151 --> 01:34:44,387 - Morning, ladies. - Morning, Doctor. 1245 01:34:45,543 --> 01:34:49,666 Nurse Bloethal found this apparatus under your bed, sir. 1246 01:34:49,735 --> 01:34:51,838 Don't you know this thing can kill you? 1247 01:34:51,910 --> 01:34:55,106 How could you be so foolish? 1248 01:34:56,709 --> 01:34:58,684 Let me tell you this, sir... 1249 01:34:58,756 --> 01:35:00,829 build up your resolve... 1250 01:35:00,901 --> 01:35:03,518 not your genitals. 1251 01:35:04,868 --> 01:35:06,876 That will be all. 1252 01:35:10,915 --> 01:35:14,874 Masturbation is the vilest sin of self-pollution! 1253 01:35:16,002 --> 01:35:17,856 The most loathsome reptile rolling... 1254 01:35:17,921 --> 01:35:21,237 in the slush and slime of a stagnant pool... 1255 01:35:21,313 --> 01:35:23,702 would not demean himself thus. 1256 01:35:23,776 --> 01:35:26,297 It is the sin of Onan. 1257 01:35:58,650 --> 01:36:00,210 Do you bicycle? 1258 01:36:00,283 --> 01:36:02,486 Oh, what a shame! There's some beautiful terrains. 1259 01:36:02,553 --> 01:36:03,764 Charles? 1260 01:36:05,432 --> 01:36:07,889 We're over here! 1261 01:36:07,962 --> 01:36:10,416 - Aunt! - Oh, my dear boy. 1262 01:36:10,488 --> 01:36:12,463 Oh, how are you? 1263 01:36:12,536 --> 01:36:14,804 You look so different. 1264 01:36:14,872 --> 01:36:19,027 Have you lost weight? Are you growing a beard? 1265 01:36:19,095 --> 01:36:21,198 You look wonderful as always. It's so nice to see you. 1266 01:36:21,269 --> 01:36:23,179 I'm so sorry to hear about your nerves. 1267 01:36:23,254 --> 01:36:25,970 Listen, about our little visit to the factory. 1268 01:36:26,037 --> 01:36:29,004 I think it would be best if we postpone it for a few days, perhaps a week. 1269 01:36:29,077 --> 01:36:31,565 I understand you know Eleanor Lightbody. 1270 01:36:31,636 --> 01:36:33,578 - Of course. - Yes, we've met. 1271 01:36:33,653 --> 01:36:36,968 How are you? May I introduce my friend, Virginia Cranehill. Charles Ossining. 1272 01:36:37,044 --> 01:36:38,504 - It's a pleasure. - Pleasure's mine. 1273 01:36:38,579 --> 01:36:40,617 And how is the breakfast food tycoon today? 1274 01:36:42,098 --> 01:36:43,027 Just fine. 1275 01:36:43,090 --> 01:36:45,097 If you'll excuse us. 1276 01:36:45,170 --> 01:36:46,860 You're not joining us for the luncheon? 1277 01:36:46,928 --> 01:36:48,816 Virginia and I are sneaking off. 1278 01:36:48,882 --> 01:36:50,474 Mr. Ossining. 1279 01:36:50,544 --> 01:36:52,202 - It's very nice meeting you. - Ladies. 1280 01:36:52,272 --> 01:36:56,711 Sadly, so must I. So much to do, so little time. You know me. Work, work. 1281 01:36:56,783 --> 01:36:59,597 Nonsense. We're going for lunch. Give me your arm. 1282 01:36:59,662 --> 01:37:02,249 Now, tell me all about the factory. 1283 01:37:14,828 --> 01:37:16,235 Will. 1284 01:37:16,300 --> 01:37:18,188 Irene. You look very pretty. 1285 01:37:18,251 --> 01:37:20,422 I hardly recognized you with your clothes on. 1286 01:37:20,491 --> 01:37:23,272 - I mean, out of uniform. - Thank you. 1287 01:37:23,338 --> 01:37:24,997 Is Eleanor here? 1288 01:37:25,067 --> 01:37:28,100 No, she's off to a vegetarian seminar. 1289 01:37:28,171 --> 01:37:30,274 They're going to eat dandelions with Badger. 1290 01:37:30,346 --> 01:37:33,128 Both guaranteed to make me vomit. 1291 01:37:33,193 --> 01:37:35,680 I was thinking of going to Goguac Lake. 1292 01:37:35,753 --> 01:37:37,607 That's nice. 1293 01:37:37,674 --> 01:37:41,087 We could go together. That is, if you're not doing anything. 1294 01:37:41,160 --> 01:37:44,291 No. That would be very nice. 1295 01:38:27,967 --> 01:38:31,261 I want it to be perfect for you. 1296 01:38:37,949 --> 01:38:39,956 Ladies and gentlemen, good afternoon. 1297 01:38:40,029 --> 01:38:44,982 I do not wish to spoil the festivities of celebration day... 1298 01:38:45,052 --> 01:38:48,498 a special day that marks the anniversary of this establishment... 1299 01:38:48,570 --> 01:38:50,545 founded by those visionaries of vegetarianism... 1300 01:38:50,620 --> 01:38:54,002 the Seventh-Day Adventists some 42 years ago. 1301 01:38:54,075 --> 01:38:58,067 No, my friends, I will be brief because I have an unpleasant duty to perform. 1302 01:38:58,136 --> 01:39:01,268 Quite simply, friends, we have among us an impostor. 1303 01:39:01,337 --> 01:39:03,793 A charlatan. A fraud. 1304 01:39:03,864 --> 01:39:06,711 A criminal of the very worst stripe. 1305 01:39:06,775 --> 01:39:08,881 A man so heinous and without conscience... 1306 01:39:08,952 --> 01:39:12,692 that I have taken time out of my busy schedule to ensnare and expose him. 1307 01:39:12,759 --> 01:39:16,107 A man who has violated every principle of human decency. 1308 01:39:16,183 --> 01:39:18,037 To defraud his own patron. 1309 01:39:18,101 --> 01:39:20,491 The very woman who took him up from poverty... 1310 01:39:20,564 --> 01:39:23,500 to dress him, educate him and give him a start in life. 1311 01:39:23,573 --> 01:39:28,111 That woman is Mrs. Hookstratten, and that man was you, sir. 1312 01:39:29,013 --> 01:39:30,418 The factory? 1313 01:39:30,482 --> 01:39:31,945 The letters? 1314 01:39:32,019 --> 01:39:34,386 Charles, how could you do this to me? 1315 01:39:34,451 --> 01:39:38,247 It wasn't me. I tried. I really tried. It was this man, Bender! 1316 01:39:39,443 --> 01:39:41,547 Oh, yes, Mr. Goodloe Bender. 1317 01:39:41,618 --> 01:39:44,812 Who I once knew as Nevada Ned of the Kickapoo Indian Medicine Show. 1318 01:39:44,881 --> 01:39:47,531 A villain of the very first order. 1319 01:39:47,600 --> 01:39:49,541 He's now safely in police custody in Buffalo. 1320 01:39:49,616 --> 01:39:52,518 You took advantage of this good woman, sir, for vulgar profit. 1321 01:39:52,592 --> 01:39:54,283 Oh, yes, you did. Oh, yeah. 1322 01:39:54,352 --> 01:39:56,685 Not just profit! 1323 01:39:56,751 --> 01:40:00,013 It wasn't just profit. I had hopes, great hopes! 1324 01:40:01,486 --> 01:40:04,802 What's wrong with profit? Don't you profit, sir... 1325 01:40:04,879 --> 01:40:09,611 from these good people who you've conned into eating grass and sawdust? 1326 01:40:09,678 --> 01:40:14,826 So that they'll defecate and you can suck it out of them with enemas? 1327 01:40:14,892 --> 01:40:17,160 So that you can feed them more sawdust? 1328 01:40:17,226 --> 01:40:20,935 Don't you have workers who strive through the night for a pittance? 1329 01:40:21,003 --> 01:40:23,304 Is there one nurse in this whole sanitarium... 1330 01:40:23,371 --> 01:40:25,279 who dabs ointment... 1331 01:40:25,353 --> 01:40:29,127 on the piles of rich, fat asses... 1332 01:40:29,194 --> 01:40:31,429 who washes out the bedpans... 1333 01:40:31,498 --> 01:40:33,350 who makes more than... 1334 01:40:33,416 --> 01:40:37,856 the cost of this pile of horseshit you call food, sir? 1335 01:40:37,926 --> 01:40:41,243 Mr. Farrington, the manacles, please. 1336 01:40:41,319 --> 01:40:44,099 Lock him away, and as far as I'm concerned, you can throw away the key. 1337 01:41:14,240 --> 01:41:16,095 - I can't do this. - I know, because... 1338 01:41:16,161 --> 01:41:18,049 Certain things have to be avoided... 1339 01:41:18,113 --> 01:41:22,006 like feather beds and romantic novels and the touching of one's organs. 1340 01:41:22,079 --> 01:41:24,894 No, that's not the reason. It's got nothing to do with the doctor. 1341 01:41:24,958 --> 01:41:27,772 I love my wife. It's Eleanor. 1342 01:41:27,838 --> 01:41:29,910 That's why I can't do this. 1343 01:41:31,614 --> 01:41:33,500 Good-bye, Irene. 1344 01:41:33,565 --> 01:41:36,630 I'm sorry. You're really very beautiful. 1345 01:41:40,411 --> 01:41:43,445 Sex is the sewer drain of a healthy body, Will. 1346 01:41:43,515 --> 01:41:45,783 I'm sure that you'll see that. 1347 01:41:45,851 --> 01:41:48,698 Any use of the sexual act other than procreation... 1348 01:41:48,763 --> 01:41:51,445 is a waste of vital energy. 1349 01:41:51,515 --> 01:41:54,775 An erection is a flagpole on your grave. 1350 01:42:52,751 --> 01:42:54,694 Eleanor, you're naked! 1351 01:42:54,768 --> 01:42:56,621 It's Die Freikorper Kultur! 1352 01:42:56,685 --> 01:42:59,752 - And you're being manipulated! - It's Die Handhabung Therapeutisch! 1353 01:42:59,821 --> 01:43:01,676 Don't give me that German crap! 1354 01:43:01,741 --> 01:43:05,156 He was handhabunging you! You let a stranger handhabung you! 1355 01:43:05,228 --> 01:43:07,749 Herr Spitzvogel is a doctor! 1356 01:43:09,004 --> 01:43:13,989 And you, you ginger-haired pig balls, you were masturbating! 1357 01:43:14,059 --> 01:43:15,618 Sir, I was not! 1358 01:43:15,690 --> 01:43:17,861 I saw you with my own eyes! 1359 01:43:17,929 --> 01:43:20,069 I was massaging my colon! 1360 01:43:20,138 --> 01:43:22,690 Massaging your colon? 1361 01:43:22,763 --> 01:43:26,985 I know where the colon is, and it doesn't stick up in the air! 1362 01:43:27,049 --> 01:43:30,725 Will, I know how all this must look, but understand he's a doctor. 1363 01:43:31,752 --> 01:43:32,963 Doctor, my ass! 1364 01:43:33,032 --> 01:43:35,617 Nurse, my ass! What have you been doing with Irene Graves? 1365 01:43:35,687 --> 01:43:38,054 Nurse Graves! Nurse Graves. 1366 01:43:38,119 --> 01:43:39,745 And your green friend, Miss Moss. 1367 01:43:39,815 --> 01:43:40,927 Miss Muntz. 1368 01:43:42,759 --> 01:43:44,284 Shut up! Shut up. 1369 01:43:47,492 --> 01:43:50,525 Shut up! Shut up! 1370 01:43:50,596 --> 01:43:53,563 If I hear one more German word... 1371 01:43:53,635 --> 01:43:56,864 I'll shove this stick right up your alimentary canal! 1372 01:43:57,955 --> 01:43:59,232 Eleanor, wait! 1373 01:44:04,897 --> 01:44:08,607 Eleanor, don't you think I deserve an explanation? 1374 01:44:08,674 --> 01:44:10,527 It's not what it looked like. You're overreacting. 1375 01:44:10,593 --> 01:44:13,080 Overreacting? A man had his hand up your crotch. 1376 01:44:13,152 --> 01:44:16,697 - It was medicine! - Medicine? He was up to his elbows! 1377 01:44:16,767 --> 01:44:20,247 Stop it, Will! All right, maybe I went too far, but you know something? 1378 01:44:20,319 --> 01:44:23,635 It felt good! It felt very good. I felt good! 1379 01:44:23,709 --> 01:44:25,914 - You'd never understand. - But I do understand. 1380 01:44:25,983 --> 01:44:28,534 You don't know how to feel good! You're incapable! 1381 01:44:28,605 --> 01:44:31,736 But I feel good. 1382 01:44:31,805 --> 01:44:33,877 I feel great! 1383 01:44:33,948 --> 01:44:37,657 As a matter of fact, I never felt better in my whole life! 1384 01:44:40,667 --> 01:44:42,521 You do? 1385 01:44:52,793 --> 01:44:55,181 Then I guess we can go home. 1386 01:45:52,942 --> 01:45:54,317 Hello, Dr. Vegetable. 1387 01:45:55,501 --> 01:45:57,258 You get out! 1388 01:45:58,285 --> 01:46:01,099 You can't wait to stick that tube up your ass, can you? 1389 01:46:01,165 --> 01:46:03,106 I said get out! 1390 01:46:03,180 --> 01:46:05,416 I'm gonna burn this place to the ground. 1391 01:46:05,484 --> 01:46:08,548 You're mad, and you're drunk. 1392 01:46:10,698 --> 01:46:12,902 Too late for that. 1393 01:46:16,715 --> 01:46:18,087 Do you like fireworks? 1394 01:46:27,271 --> 01:46:28,646 Fire! 1395 01:46:32,614 --> 01:46:34,524 Come back here, you confounded maniac! 1396 01:46:56,418 --> 01:46:59,135 George, stop this insanity! 1397 01:48:05,751 --> 01:48:07,538 I'll give you $250! 1398 01:48:09,748 --> 01:48:11,178 Five hundred! 1399 01:48:21,012 --> 01:48:22,833 Stop it! 1400 01:48:33,937 --> 01:48:37,678 George Kellogg, you've been a pain to me all my life! 1401 01:48:47,183 --> 01:48:49,004 Come back! 1402 01:49:04,266 --> 01:49:06,754 Georgie, speak to me. Say something. 1403 01:49:10,218 --> 01:49:12,389 Georgie, say something to me. Speak to me. 1404 01:49:15,849 --> 01:49:16,896 Daddy. 1405 01:49:16,969 --> 01:49:19,522 Give us a cuddle, Daddy. 1406 01:49:24,456 --> 01:49:26,310 Give us a cuddle, Daddy. 1407 01:50:36,122 --> 01:50:39,418 The San burned for three nights and three days. 1408 01:50:39,484 --> 01:50:43,124 The glow in the sky could be seen from as far away as Kalamazoo. 1409 01:50:45,721 --> 01:50:49,297 Will and I lived happily in Peterskill where we had four daughters... 1410 01:50:49,367 --> 01:50:52,270 and I opened Westchester's first health store. 1411 01:50:53,335 --> 01:50:55,245 - Huh! - What is it? 1412 01:50:55,320 --> 01:51:00,053 It's a check for $1,000. From Charles Ossining. 1413 01:51:00,118 --> 01:51:03,380 By all accounts, the charges against Mr. Ossining had been forgotten... 1414 01:51:03,445 --> 01:51:06,063 in the confusion as the San burned. 1415 01:51:06,133 --> 01:51:09,428 And he eventually became very rich. 1416 01:51:09,492 --> 01:51:11,979 Apparently he had struck upon the idea of taking sugar water... 1417 01:51:12,051 --> 01:51:15,085 and impregnating it with the leaf of the coca plant. 1418 01:51:16,467 --> 01:51:18,440 And as for Dr. Kellogg... 1419 01:51:18,514 --> 01:51:22,541 he rebuilt the San and soldiered on in his crusade for biological living. 1420 01:51:22,610 --> 01:51:27,399 Gentlemen, I will now perform a forward somersault with a half-twist. 1421 01:51:27,475 --> 01:51:31,148 I'm well in advance of the Biblical age of threescore and ten. 1422 01:51:31,216 --> 01:51:34,989 I'm in perfect health, and I'm convinced I will live forever... 1423 01:51:35,056 --> 01:51:36,616 because... 1424 01:51:36,688 --> 01:51:39,176 my bowels are immaculate! 1425 01:51:41,871 --> 01:51:44,684 Alas, Dr. Kellogg died midsomersault. 1426 01:51:47,917 --> 01:51:49,477 He said he was healthy. 1427 01:51:49,549 --> 01:51:51,621 Proving once and for all that... 1428 01:51:51,693 --> 01:51:54,059 even he was not right about everything.